SurviviBrother: A Fanfic/Parody: Episode 7 Up

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survivibrother	Episode 3 (part 4- last part)	#21	[-]
Posts: 46 (01/20/07 4:06 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Dirk's four teammates waited patiently outside while he made his decision. No one seemed particularly worried; everyone had an idea of what was about to take place. "We have a plan," Mia told the cameras. "Everything has worked out perfectly up to this point, and I see no reason why it shouldn't continue to do so. Jenna will be packing her bags and headin' home." Butch calmly swung back and forth in the hammock as he waited for Dirk's arrival. "I don't wanna say I'm one hundred percent confident," he told the cameras, "but we pretty much all agreed that it was Jenna's time to go. I think Jenna will be the one voted out; I'm just wonderin' who Dirk has decided on as the pawn. I think Butch will have at least three more days in the house. I just want the ceremony to be over so I can bring some more firewood into the house." "Hmm, I wonder who's going up!" Jenna laughed to the others. "Hey, you never know," Linda told her. "Yeah, sure." "If my key is in the box tonight, I think I'm gonna have an ORGASM," Jenna said in the diary room. "I didn't even do anything to try and save myself. It's pretty much a done deal: they ALL want me out." "Come on, ya'll," Dirk entered the backyard, carrying the nomination box. "It's time to gather around the dining room table for the nomination ceremony." Dirk's teammates followed him to the dining room table and each took a seat. Dirk set the heavy box onto the table. "Okay, you guys," Dirk started the meeting, "this is the nomination ceremony. Obviously, I had a huge responsibility. I wish you could all be safe and we could just hang out together the whole time" Jenna rolled her eyes. "But it just cain't work out like that, you know what I'm sayin'? I called on the Lord to help me with this decision, and I also listened to my own heart. I hope you can respect my decision, because it was a difficult one to make." Mia snorted. "With that said, I will pull out the first key." Dirk slowly and carefully pulled the first key from its slot. "Mia," he revealed, "you are safe." "Thanks, Dirk," Mia said with a huge smile. "Here you go, mah' giiiiiiiirl," Dirk handed Mia the key and slid the box in her direction. Mia placed her key around her neck and smirked as she pulled out the final key but her eyes bulged when she saw the name written on the key handle. "Jenna, you're.safe?" "OH MY GOD!" Jenna shrieked. She snatched the key from Mia and placed it around her neck. Linda's mouth dropped open as she looked over at Butch. Butch shrugged as if to say, "I have no clue what's going on here." "A'ight," Dirk stood up and faced his teammates. "I've nominated Linda and Butch for eviction tonight" Mia shook her head in disbelief. "I know some people expected me to nominate Jenna," Dirk continued, "but I feel like it's unfair to just gang up on someone. Jenna didn't do anything to deserve a nomination; it's just that she was from the other team originally. Well, the way I see it, as long as she's wearing a blue buff, she's a member of Team Believe all the way." Mia squinted her eyes and jerked her head back. She looked ready to jump out and kill Dirk. "I never felt comfortable with throwing the challenge, and if I had my way, it never would have happened. Mia, we've been down since Day One; you know I wasn't going to nominate you. Jenna, you'll always hold a special place in my heart; we were on the very first season of Survivor. I know you're upset with me about not filming that video, but I still think you're amazing." Jenna smirked as she played with the key around her neck. "That brings us to my two nominees," Dirk continued. "Linda, I'm going to be frank: I think you're annoying. You're constantly brining up false gods, and you embarrassed all of us at the concert we won and caused Joanna to leave. I feel like you bring a really bad energy to the team." "That's your opinion," Linda shrugged. "Butch," Dirk added, "I don't think you're going to be the one voted out. It was basically process of elimination, man. I couldn't nominate one of my girls. I feel like you bring a lot to this team, and I hope you're here for days to come." Butch nodded. "A'ight. That's it, ya'll. If you have a key, you can hang it back up on the memory wall." Dirk made his way upstairs towards his HOH bedroom. "Yeah, you'd better get the hell out of here!" Mia screamed. "I'm about to freakin' kill you!" Dirk just shrugged, not saying anything. Jenna stuck her tongue out at Mia and headed towards the memory wall. "I'm at a loss for words," Linda told Mia and Butch. "We should have never trusted that bitch," Mia said, shaking her head. "It could be either me or you goin'," Butch told Linda. "I don't know what's gonna happen." "Aww, I don't wanna vote for one of you two," Mia told them. "I want Jenna or Dirk gone. Let's bring Dirk down here; I'm gonna call him out." "Okay, sweetie," Linda agreed. "HEY, DIRK," Mia screamed, "GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!" Dirk obviously heard Mia's loud voice, but he acted as if he didn't. "Dude," Mia shook her head furiously, "if he has the balls to make that decision, he has to have the balls to PAY for his actions and not be a coward." Mia angrily stormed up to Dirk's bedroom and turned the knob. Locked. "I'm coming in there, buddy!" Mia screamed. Mia furiously began kicking the door. "Girl, calm down!" Dirk called out. "NO!" Mia yelled. "You fucking stabbed us in the back!" Mia began thrusting her entire body into the door. Eventually, the door cracked in two and Mia made her way in. "Where are you, Dirk?" Mia asked, when Dirk was nowhere to be seen. She immediately flung open his closet. He wasn't there. "I'm gonna find you!" Mia looked under Dirk's bed, where she found him rolled up into a ball. "Ha!" Mia dragged Dirk by his shirt and pulled him out from under the bed. "Don't kill me!" Dirk yelled. "I am gonna kill you!" Mia screamed. "What the hell was that all about? How the hell did it switch from 'Let's all get Jenna out' to nominating Butch and Linda?" "It was my decision!" Dirk cried. "There was nothing wrong with it; I still stand by it." "WhatEVER, Dirk! You stabbed our entire team in the back! What happened to the whole 'Team Believe is gonna stick together'?" "Jenna IS part of Team Believe now!" Dirk shot back. "And I don't believe in just targeting someone based on stuff like that, anyway. I look at the person's character." "CHARACTER?" Mia shouted. "Then you definitely should have nominated Jenna! She's one giant STD just bringing down our team!" "Well, maybe I don't see it that way." "Little Dirk was doing all the thinking on this one," Mia snapped. "That's it. Don't sit there and pretend that it all had to do with God or your heart or whatever, because that's bullshit!" "Don't be mad at me, girl. I love you. You have no right to be upset, because I didn't nominate you." "Oh my GOD, Dirk! WhatEVER! We all had an agreement, and you went back on it. I wonder what God has to say about this one?" "God is proud of me for doing what I feel is right instead of letting you guys sway my decision." "Just admit that you're a fucking liar and that you stabbed us in the back!" "I didn't lie to anyone" "WhatEVER, Dirk. WhatEVER! That's fucking BULLSHIT!" "You can be upset with me, but like I said, I still love you, and the only opinion that matters is the Lord's." "Stop playing that Jesus card!" Mia yelled. "It's the only card you've got!' "It's not a card or a strategy. My testimony is something that I believe in and feel strongly about." "But you're hiding behind it as an excuse for what you did, which is bullshit! And I think that's disgusting!" "If anything, God is happy that I put Linda up. She's been putting false gods and idols before Him. That's disgusting." "WhatEVER, Dirk!" Mia screamed. "I'm sick of listening to your bullshit. Be a man and stop making excuses!" Mia stormed out of the room and made her way downstairs. "The fact that Dirk is clearly targeting Linda makes me want to vote out Butch just to piss him off," Mia said in the diary room, "but I don't know what I'm going to do. I've had issues with both Butch and Linda, but I'd take them any day over Dirk or Jenna. The fact that Jenna is staying another three days just absolutely makes my stomach turn." Jenna passed Mia in the hallway and gave her a smug look of satisfaction. "I fucking LOVE IT," Jenna told the cameras. "I neeeeeeever would expected this. I think Gollum about had a heart attack when she pulled out my key. I'm here for another three days, and there is NOTHING that she can do to change it." Day 9 "I'll tell you what, Butch, we should have seen this coming." On the morning of Day 9, Butch and Linda were sitting around the breakfast table drinking coffee. "I woulda thought Dirk would be a man of his word," Butch told Linda. "Oh, I did too. But two young, pretty girls? Dirk wasn't thinking with his brain on this one. Of course he's going to nominate the parents of the house." "Mia is pretty when she's not angry," said Butch, "but when is that? And Jenna's ass is twice the size of this house." Linda broke into laughter, spitting coffee all over the kitchen table. "I would take my wife any day over those two," Butch added. "Oh, absolutely. I just can't wait 'til this is all over so I can be back with my husband and kids. I almost want to get evicted so I can get out of this loony bin. And people think I'm crazy?" "Jenna will be here any minute to tell us to get outta the kitchen." "That's RIGHT!" they heard a high-pitched scream. "What the FUCK are you doing in there? Get out NOW!" Linda shook her head and looked over at Butch. The two walked out of the kitchen. "Hey, best of luck to you tonight," Butch whispered. "You too." "If Butch goes tonight, I will miss having him around," Linda said in the diary room. "He's a little crazy with his love of wood, but to me, he's the most normal person in this house. He's just very real. But I have to hope that I stay in the game Dirk made it clear that he wants me out for purely personal reasons. He wants me to respect his beliefs, but he won't respect mine. I'm not going to deny my faith in the gods just for the sake of a game." * Butch knocked on the door of Dirk's HOH bedroom. "Come in." "Dirk told me last night that he wants me to stay and Linda to go," Butch said in the diary room, "but I have no reason to believe that I'm safe. I'm tryin' to get a feel of what everyone is thinkin' for tonight." "Hey, don't worry, dawg," Dirk said when Butch entered the room. "I felt like we had a good rapport," said Butch, "and we all talked about gettin' rid of Jenna. Why did you go back on that?" "I know that you might not understand, but it wasn't anything personal at all. I just felt like I had to listen to mah' Lord and do the right thing." Butch shook his head. "Linda's goin', dawg," Dirk assured him. "I know that Mia cain't stand Linda, and I can get Jenna to vote for her as well. I did save her, after all." "I'm wishin' myself luck," said Butch. "Maybe I should do my lucky dance. I'm going to dance the Egyptian." "A'ight," Dirk laughed as Butch began dancing. "My family is probably watchin' this at home thinkin', 'There he goes again.' I know I embarrass them when I dance." "I don't want to see Linda go," Butch said in the diary room, "but tonight, it's between her and I. So you better believe I've been hustlin'." * "I need to have SEX!" Jenna screamed. "It's been soooooooo long!" Butch walked downstairs and into the living room where Jenna was screaming to herself. "Oh, hey, Butch. Can you believe that Dirk WOULDN'T have sex with me? You'd make a video with me if I asked, wouldn't you?" "Well," Butch said uncomfortably, "I'm the principal of several students who look up to me. I couldn't do anything to make them lose respect for me." "Wouldn't that just make them respect you MORE?" Jenna asked. "You know," said Butch, "this conversation is gettin' a little awkward. I'm gonna go get some firewood." "Oh. Okay." "Linda is at least good to have around to make fun of," Jenna said in the diary room, "but Butch is the most BORING person that you will EVER come into contact with. I reeeeeeeeally don't give a fuck who gets voted out tonight. I'm safe tonight, and that's ALL that matters." *** The five remaining members of Team Believe sat in their living room that night as they awaited the arrival of Jeff Probst. Linda and Butch were each sitting in a special, purple nomination chair; everyone else was seated on one of the two blue couches. "Welcome back to Tribal Council," Jeff flung open the front door and greeted the houseguests. No one said anything back to him. "Must have been a rough few days," Jeff said, taking a seat in an armchair, "and it's about to get even worse. Tonight, you will vote another member out of the game, but first-- sorry for stealing your line, Julie-- I'm going to ask you a few questions." Mia nodded. "Let's talk about this week's twist," Jeff continued. "You're all comfortable thinking you know what's going on, then bam, you've lost Darrah, and Jenna joins your team. How has this change been for you guys? Mia?" "You picked the wrong person to ask!" Mia shouted. Her teammates broke out in laughter, with the exception of Jenna, who rolled her eyes. "It has been absolutely horrible," Mia continued. "The first thing Jenna does when she gets here is go into my room, dump out ALL my clothes, and turn my room into her own vidmaking studio!" "I OFFERED you a spot in the closet!" Jenna laughed. Mia's eyes rolled in all sorts of directions. "Jenna," Jeff asked, "what has been the worst part of this whole switch for you?" "I miss Jon!" Jenna shouted. "I miss sex!" "I'm sure Jon misses it as well," said Jeff. "Now, I've gotta ask about the immunity challenge. With the exception of Jenna, you guys were purposely sabotaging your team. Butch, what was going on?" "We threw the challenge," Butch gave a quick answer, "to get Jenna out." "Well, now you're sitting on the block," Jeff commented. "You have to be regretting your decision." "Yessiree," Butch answered. "You better believe I'm regretting it, but there's no way to take it back." "Another question," said Jeff, "if you all threw it to get Jenna out, why isn't she sitting on the block? Dirk?" Mia rolled her eyes and looked at Dirk as if to say, "Yeah, I'd like to know the answer to that as well." "I knew this question was comin'," said Dirk. "I didn't think it was fair to go after somebody just because they came from another house, and that's why they wanted Jenna out." Mia's eyes rolled into her head. "Mia," said Jeff, "you look like you have something to say." "Yeah, I do. My reasoning for wanting Jenna out was not because she came from Slutty Vid. Jenna has just been straight out UNBEARABLE since Day One, and I wasn't even on her team then. She's just been downright rude to me and to our entire team." "Because it's FUN to piss off bitches like you," Jenna laughed. "Go scurry back to your cave, Gollum. The sun is coming out!" Mia scrunched up her face and glared at Jenna. "Linda," Jeff asked, "were you surprised that your key wasn't in the box?" "Oh, nooooo," Linda answered, looking over at Dirk. "I knew that Dirk wanted me out. He's too shallow and close-minded to acknowledge all the gods and spirits around us. And I shouldn't have been surprised that Jenna's key was in the box. I believe this was planned for a looooooong time." "Dirk, Linda just caaalled you out. What do you have to say to that?" "It wasn't planned for a long time," Dirk answered. "Jenna didn't even know about it ahead of time. When I was putting the keys in the box, I thought about the character of Jenna, and I thought about the character of Linda. It became clear which of the two deserved to stay." "And it didn't help that I'm in my forties!" Linda added. "I know what this was all about." Dirk frowned and shook his head. "It's time to get to the vote," Jeff continued, "but before we do, I would like to give Butch and Linda each a chance to say some last words. If you'd like, you can use this opportunity to state your case as to why you should stay in the game. Butch, we'll start with you." "Well," said Butch, "first, I would like to thank my family and all the people at my school for watchin' and for supportin' me in everything I do, even if I embarrass you sometimes. This has been a truly amazin' experience, and I've been blessed to have had this opportunity. To my students: I mean it when I say, 'Believe in yourselves.' If you believe in yourself, you can go out there and accomplish your dreams just like I did. Even if I'm voted out tonight, I've been fulfilled, and I'd like to wish all of you-- especially Linda-- the best of luck." "Thank you, Butch," Linda whispered. "Linda," Jeff addressed the second nominee, "what would you like to say?" "I just want each of you to remember that this is oooooooonly a game. That's all I have to say. Namaste." Dirk shook his head. "Play nicely!" Linda hissed. "All right," said Jeff, "Linda and Butch will not vote. Dirk, our Head of Household, will only cast a vote in the event of a tie. It's time to vote. Jenna, you're up." "EEEEEEEEEEK!" Jenna bounced out of her seat and made her way to the diary room, where a voting booth was set up. She quickly wrote down a name and placed her ballot into the soup pot which served as a voting urn. When she arrived back at the sitting area, Mia got up and walked towards the diary room to cast the final vote. "I'm voting for you," she said, holding her vote up to the cameras. "You know there are people here who I would much rather see gone, but unfortunately, they're not nominated. Sorry." Mia folded her vote before placing it into the soup pot and exiting the diary room. "I'll go tally the votes," Jeff said in a solemn voice. He headed off to the diary room. "This is it," Butch whispered. "Hey, it's all up to the gods," Linda told him. Dirk sneered at Linda just as Jeff was walking back with the soup pot. "Once the votes are read, the decision is final," Jeff addressed Team Believe. "The person voted out will have one minute to say goodbye, gather their belongings, and walk out the front door." Butch gave a deep sigh. "I'll read the votes." Jeff slowly and dramatically pulled the first vote out of the soup pot. "First vote," he revealed, "Butch." "It's okay, buddy," Linda whispered. "Last vote" Butch stared at the final piece of paper, which was turned away from the five houseguests. Maybe things weren't over yet. Maybe the second person voted for Linda, and Dirk would break the tie, sending Linda home. He would never give up hope, even at the last minute. But then it happened "Third person voted out of the SurviviBrother house" "Butch." "You'll need to bring me your torch." "All right," Butch rose from his seat and addressed his former team. "Keep believin' in yourselves. Never forget that." Dirk's scratched his head in confusion. Butch grabbed his torch and carried it to Jeff. "Butch, the tribe has spoken." Butch watched sadly as his torch was extinguished. "Good luck, you guys," Butch said, trying to keep a positive attitude. "Keep that fire alive; whoop Team Slutty Vid. I'm proud of you." Butch reached for his bag and the remaining members of Team Believe got up to walk him to the door, with the exception of Dirk who stayed on the couch, in shock. "Bye, Butch!" Jenna shrieked. "You get to have fun now. Go clubbing and drinking and just have a BLAST. But don't have too much fun!" "I'll try not to," Butch laughed. "Sorry, Butch," Mia whispered. "It's all right," Butch said, giving Mia a hug. "You had to choose one of us." "Butch, it's been amazing," Linda said, hugging her former teammate. "Have fun, guys," Butch said, waving goodbye. "Wait, let me get one thing." Butch picked a piece of firewood up from the floor. "This is the finest and driest piece of wood that I've found. I would never burn this baby up; it's my pride and joy. I'm gonna keep it as a souvenir." "Okay!" Mia laughed. "If it's a girl, name her Mia!" "Don't forget the meaning of your team name," Butch told them. And with that, Butch walked out of the SurviviBrother house. "Well," Jeff addressed the group of four once they had made their way back to the seating area, "tomorrow, Jenna and Darrah will each be sending somebody to the other house, and you'll have a new team member. Hopefully, this change will help improve your team dynamic. No matter how you look at it, you guys are stuck together for the next twenty-one days. Have a good night, guys. I'll be on my way." Jeff walked out of the house, leaving the four remaining team members to ponder what he had said. No matter who joined their team, of course there would still be drama. Things had already reached a boiling point, and there was no going back now. With twenty-one days left and a million dollars on the line, things would only get worse. *** Butch grinned as he walked into the studio in front of the two SurviviBrother houses. Julie Chen was waiting when he arrived. "You can just drop your bag right there," said Julie. "How are you?" "I'm doin' all right," said Butch. "Wish I was still in the game." "I'm sure you do!" Julie laughed as she shook Butch's hand. "Please have a seat." Butch and Julie sat down for an interview. "It's been a crazy three days," said Julie. "You named this team, and now your teammates voted you off! I can see your banner still hanging from outside the house. Do you think your team lived up to your motto of 'Believe in Yourself'?" "No," Butch answered, "there was fighting and arguing going on within the first ten minutes. I guess in a way, I'm kind of relieved to be out of there, to tell you the truth." Julie laughed. "Why was your team unable to get it together?" "Well," said Butch, "you can see that I only have half of my banner; it was burned in a fire during Survivor: Amazon. I thought it would be enough; maybe they needed the full banner, because my team was not believing in themselves." "Okay," Julie laughed, "now, your entire team threw the challenge with the intent of voting out Jenna. What was your reasoning behind that decision?" "Mia was really pushin' for it," Butch explained. "We knew that it would help keep the original Team Believe together, because we could save Darrah on the other side. And Jenna was really wearing out her stay. Obviously, it was a mistake, because I ended up bein' voted out." "Now, you mentioned Jenna," said Julie. "How annoying was she?" "Well, she's still in the game and I'm not. Obviously, she's doin' something right that I was unable to do." "Hmm, maybe," said Julie. "Now, from Day One, you collected firewood in the house. So much firewood that it basically filled every room in the house. I know it annoyed a few of your team members. Do you think this had anything to do with why you were nominated and then eventually voted out?" "I really don't," Butch answered. "Dirk's the one who nominated me, and he always said that he didn't have a problem with my firewood-collecting. Of course, now I know that Dirk isn't as honest as I had thought, so I don't know. But Mia and Darrah were really the only ones who ever said anything about it. Maybe that's why Mia voted for me; who knows?" "All right," said Julie. "Now, in the event that you were evicted, each of your housemates taped a special goodbye message for you. Let's take a look at what they had to say." "Sounds great." Dirk: Dawg, if you're watchin' this message, I don't know what could've happened. I thought you were pretty safe. But if you were evicted, just remember that the Lord has a purpose for everything. And you should thank the Lord for allowing you to play this game and then for taking you out of it when He knew it was your time to go Linda: Oh, Butch, you're leaving me with all these kids who are just gonna be a niiiiiiightmare to live with. Just know that you were wrongly evicted, and the gods are gonna come down upon the man responsible for evicting you. If he doesn't believe in the gods now, he will soon! Jenna L: YAWN Was there someone named BUTCH in this game? If there was, I'm just finding out for the first time. You're BOR-ING! But whoever you are, you should buy my next video; it should hit the shelves a few weeks after I get out of this house! Mia: Butch, if you're watching this tape, I'm sorry. I was adamant about throwing the challenge; I had NO idea that Dirk was gonna do what he did. Jenna should be the one sitting there being interviewed by Julie, and it's bullshit that she wasn't nominated. The reasons I evicted you instead of Linda were that I wanted to piss Dirk off, and also I was pretty much scared for my life because you would NOT stop gathering firewood. I had to evict you before you completely burned us down to a crisp. "Any final thoughts?" Julie asked. "I'm just really hurt," said Butch, "because I cared about my team; I tried to bring them together, and then Dirk nominated me over Jenna, who was new to the team. But I do want to wish every one of them the very best." "Okay," said Julie. "Now, before you go, we have one last, special goodbye message for you, from the other team." "Now, what is this?" Heidi: Hi, Butch. This is Heidi. Jenna M: And you thought I was Heidi, but I'm really her other half, Jenna. Heidi: I guess now you know about the big twist. I'm glad you're out, because when we got naked in the Amazon, you didn't even look! We wouldn't have been able to manipulate you with our feminine powers if you had stayed in this game. Jenna M: I respected that you didn't look, though. Roger looked. That was gross. Heidi: Bye, Butch! "Heidi and Jenna Morasca have been switching places in the house every three days and playing this game as one," Julie explained. "If they can make it past Day 15 without being noticed, they will win the right to play together at the same time." Butch slowly blew air out of his mouth. "Wow," he said in disbelief. "So, I'm taking this to mean that you had no idea." "No clue," Butch agreed. "Seeing them at challenges, I never noticed that anything had changed." "If they got naked for peanut butter, you REALLY wouldn't have noticed, because you wouldn't have been looking!" Julie laughed. "Hey, I wanted to look," Butch laughed, "but I have to be a role model for my students." "Well, Butch, thank you for playing," Julie Chen shook Butch's hand for a second time, "but this is not goodbye. We will see you on finale night when we crown the winner of SurviviBrother. Unfortunately, you did not make it far enough to be a part of our jury, but you still did a great job." With that, Julie Chen rose from her seat and turned to face the cameras. "We're only nine days into what is already a season full of twists, surprises, and unbelievable drama. Make sure to tune in next week, because you won't want to miss a second of the action. From outside the SurviviBrother house, I'm Julie Chen. Goodnight."
mike039	Re: Episode 3 (part 4- last part)	#22	[-]
Posts: 80 (02/02/07 9:35 AM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	This story could use some VECEPIAPWNAGE
survivibrother	Episode 4- Day 10 (Part 1)	#23	[-]
Posts: 46 (02/05/07 12:19 AM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Episode 4 "Hope and Heartache" Team Believe: Dirk Been, Jenna Lewis, Linda Spencer, Mia Galeotalanza Team Slutty Vid: Darrah Johnson, Heidi Strobel/Jenna Morasca, Helen Glover, Jon Dalton, Tina Wesson Night 9 Team Believe Only minutes after watching middle school principal Butch Lockley's torch snuffed out, his teammates were already cleaning up the piles and piles of firewood he had left behind. Jenna was outside in the front yard while Mia and Linda were picking up bundles of firewood in the living room. Dirk was the only one not lending a hand; he remained seated on the living room couch, his arms folded across his chest. "Once again, I'd like to thank you and the SurviviBrother gods for keeping me here," Linda said to Mia. "No problem," Mia laughed. Dirk sat back and shook his head. "It blows my mind that they thought Linda deserved to be here more than Butch," he said in a diary room interview. "Linda has offered nothing to this team other than disobeying my man J.C. by worshiping heathen gods. Butch had more heart and determination than all of us; he really wanted to be here." "I'm feeling really good about my decision to vote out Butch and keep Linda here," Mia told the cameras. "As far as Dirk is concerned, I was not about to let him have his way. I want absolutely nothing to do with him from here on out. He's pretty upset about our decision, and that's fine by me." "How could you do that to Butch?" Dirk asked, turning to Mia. Mia jerked her head back and rolled her eyes like a madwoman. "How could I do that to Butch?" she snorted. "I'm not the one who nominated him, thank you." "You knew I couldn't nominate you or Jenna, though," Dirk explained. Upon hearing Jenna's name, Mia shook her head like a dog who had just jumped out of water. "I never thought Butch would be the one to go," Dirk went on. "He named this team; he would fall on the sword for any of us and what has Linda done? Nothing." Linda gasped and shook her head. "You made your nominations KNOWING that we would be deciding between the two and that you didn't get to vote!" Mia shouted. "And maybe Jenna and I didn't feel the same way you did about Linda. You just wanted her out because of her religious views; that has NOTHING to do with the game!" "Sweetheart, you cain't honestly say that Linda offers more to this team than Butch did," Dirk argued. "WhatEVER, Dirk! All Butch did was gather firewood and leave a HUGE mess for us to clean up! Don't sit there and act like I did something wrong, because I don't regret my vote at all!" "Butch's firewood came in handy," Dirk told Mia. "Remember when we hid our flag under some firewood and Team Slutty Vid never found it?" Linda spoke up. "That's because those mortal ancestors of the moonJenna and Jon were more focused on making videos than doing the challenge." "Exactly," Mia agreed. "I wasn't talking to you, Linda," Dirk said coldly. "If it's a'ight wit 'choo, I'd like to finish my conversation with my girl Mia." Mia laughed as she rolled her eyes. "I just think that you could have given me the respect I deserved as HOH," Dirk continued. "I would respect your wishes if you were HOH." "NO!" Mia yelled. "I have zero respect for you! You stick a knife in my back by saving Jenna, and I'm supposed to be fine with that and do exactly what you say?" "You tell him, sistah!" Linda gave Mia a high five. Dirk rolled his eyes. "Honey, would you mind giving us a hand with this firewood?" Linda asked. "No," said Dirk, "because I think Butch should still be here collectin' firewood." Mia rolled her eyes like a horse in panic. "Dirk is just absolutely unbelievable, attacking Linda the way he did," Mia said in the diary room. "At least when I go off on people, I have valid reasons for it. Dirk is just upset that the vote didn't go the way he wanted, and I could care less. I find the way he's been playing this game to be completely disgusting. I think of myself as a preeeeetty patient person, but Dirk has grated on my nerves since Day ONE. Just when I was starting to like him more, he pulls a stunt like not nominating Jenna. So now I'm completely and utterly through with him." "You know I'm still in love with you no matter what," Dirk told Mia. "You're even sexier when you're angry with me." Mia snorted as she exchanged eye rolls with Linda. "Okay, I can't carry anymore wood," said Mia. "I'm going to drop what I have so far out front." "Be careful," said Linda. "You dropped one." "Yeah, girl, bend over, babe," Dirk grinned as Mia bent over to pick up a piece of firewood. "You've got a pretty cute butt." Mia almost got whiplash from turning around to give Dirk a cold death stare. Infuriated, she threw her entire armload of firewood at Dirk. "Jeez, girl!" Dirk exclaimed. "I'm goin' to hit the sack. Maybe you won't be mad at me in the morning." As Dirk left the room, Mia picked up the firewood that she had thrown at him. Mia and Linda walked outside to dump out more firewood. When they got there, they saw that Jenna had started a huge bonfire. "Burn, baby, burn!" Jenna shrieked. "EEEEEEEEK!" "What are you doing, Unchaste One?" Linda asked. "Yeah, I thought you were helping us clean up," Mia added. "I'm a pyro today!" Jenna shrieked happily. "I'm using all this firewood to build a HUGE fire! Remember Butch's banner?" Linda looked up to see that Butch's "Believe in Yourself" banner was no longer hanging from outside the house. "That means a lot to Butch!" Linda exclaimed. "He's had it ever since he began his job at his middle school. He left it to us out of the goodness of his heart." "It MEANT a lot to him!" Jenna laughed. "It's gone now! EEEEEEEK! SHRIEK! Believe in yourself? I stopped believing in myself when I was FOUR!" "Is that when you lost your virginity?" Mia muttered. "NO!" Jenna yelled, overhearing Mia. "But it IIIIIIIIIIIIIS the age when I gave my first blowjob!" Linda and Mia's mouths dropped open. "I'm KIDDING!" Jenna shrieked with laughter. "I can't believe you did that to Butch's banner," Linda thought aloud. "Yeah, ashes to ashes, dust to dust," said Jenna. "Whatever. It's gone; deal with it." "She's just evil," Mia let out her thoughts on Jenna in the diary room. "Just the sound of her voice makes me want to break things. We threw the last immunity challenge to get rid of her; she wasn't even allowed to compete for HOH; Why is Jenna still HERE? I have never disliked a person this much in my entire life." "Yeeeeeeeeeeek! Ha, ha, ha!" Jenna yelled as she danced around the bonfire. Mia and Linda turned around and walked back inside the house; there were still hours and hours of firewood clearing ahead of them. Team Slutty Vid "Can you guys, like, move?" Jon entered the living room to find Heidi and Darrah seated on the living room couch, watching T.V. "We're kind of watching 'Sex and the City' here," Heidi said, sticking her nose up at Jon. Jon grabbed Heidi's breasts as he made his way over to the television. Heidi scrunched up her face and glared at Jon as he changed the channel and popped a video tape into the VCR. "This is the first video Jenna and I filmed in the house," he explained to the two women. Heidi's mouth dropped open. "Eeeeeeeeek!" Jenna squealed in the video. "Go, Gadget Legs, go! SHRIEK!" "I can't wait to bang ya'," Jon told Jenna. "You know," said Jenna. "People call me a slut, and I tell them that I'm just very open about my sexuality. Get it? Open?" "The camera is on, right?" Jon asked. "Yup," said Jenna. "It doesn't count as doing it unless you have video evidence!" "OhMy.God," Heidi was appalled. "Let's get out of here, Darrah." Darrah and Heidi jumped up off the couch and ran towards the kitchen. Jon laughed and stuck out his middle finger. "Who would have guessed that such a little guy could do so much damage?" Jenna shrieked in the video. Jon blushed. "I'm falling fast and hard for Jenna," Jon said in the diary room. "I've had more fun with Jenna than I've had with any other girl in my life. It's not just about the sex; I could easily bang D or Heidi if I wanted, but it just wouldn't be the same." "EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Jenna shouted in the video. "SHRIEK! Oooooooooooooh! WOW, this is INCREDIBLE." "I've got mad skills," Jon chuckled. "Hopefully this is only the first of thousands of vids!" Jenna shouted in the video as she slipped under the covers. A tear rolled down Jon's cheek. "I can't watch this anymore." Jon stopped the video and ejected it from the VCR. "I've been looking out the windows all day, hoping for a glimpse of Jenna," he told the cameras. "My heart feels like it weighs more than Helen's fat ass. I've been thinking about my girl all day, wondering if she's still here. I can't even eat; I'm making myself sick. Hey, even Jonny Fairplay can have feelings." Jon collapsed onto the floor, in tears. "If they voted Jenna out, they can get in line to suck my dick," he continued. "I will guarantee that none of them win this game. But no amount of revenge can take away Jenna's loss. I know Jenna's a big girl, and could easily have found a way to stay in the game, whether it's giving Dirk and Butch blowjobs or just lying and manipulating people to gain favors." Jon sighed as he made his way upstairs to his bedroom. *** "Jon thinks he can do whatever he wants," Heidi said to Darrah. "It's incredible. In-cred-ible. As cute and adorable as I am, I'm capable of being a bitch, too. If I have to, I'll get ruthless. I'm not going put up with him, you know what I mean?" "Ah' don't lahke Jon at all," Darrah agreed. "It's all right," laughed Heidi. "Jon isn't the one running this game. We are." "My alliance on this team is with Tina and Helen," Heidi said in the diary room. "At the same time, I'm trying to keep Darrah in my back pocket. That way, if Tina and Helen turn on me because of their jealousy, I can go to Darrah and be like, 'Hey, I've been your friend,' and she can help me out. Darrah could easily be my hole in the ace if I get caught between a rock and a hard stone." "Now, you have a HUGE responsibility ahead of you," Heidi said to Darrah. "Who are you going to send away tomorrow?" "Ah' dunno," said Darrah. "It's a biyg decision" "It IS a big decision," Heidi agreed. "That's why you gotta start thinking about it." "Well, ah'd laaaaaahke to send Jon away," Darrah told Heidi. "Ah' think it would be a lot more relaxin' wifout him." "I agree," said Heidi. "That's a very good decision. But here's what I would do: Send Helen away. Picking Jon would be good for, like, team morale, but if you really want to win the million dollars, you should pick Helen. Helen does not want to see someone with nice bamzoombas and a cute butt make it to the end. Jon, on the other hand, will be thinking with his lower brain and won't want us out. It might even be to our advantage to walk around topless." "Umm. Well, that gives me somethin' to think about." "You do that," said Heidi. "Just take your time and think about it." At that moment, the two ladies were interrupted by a voice over the loudspeaker. "Heidi, please enter the diary room." "I'll be right back." Heidi opened the refrigerator and helped herself to a glob of peanut butter before making her way to the diary room. * "Heidi!" Jenna Morasca jumped up and down upon seeing her friend. "I felt lost without you!" "I did, too!" Heidi laughed, giving her friend a hug. "It's like a part of myself was missing!" "So, what did I miss?" Jenna asked. "Give me the dirt." "Well, we're running low on peanut butter, which totally stinks," Heidi told Jenna. "That's fine; we don't need the fat," Jenna laughed, "but what do I need to know as far as the game?" "I was gonna get to that!" Heidi laughed as she swapped clothes with Jenna. "Jenna Lewis is on Team Believe now, and we have Darrah. Tomorrow, Darrah is going to send one of us to the other house." "I'm kind of disappointed that Jenna's gone," said Jenna Morasca. "She made things interesting, and her Jennaness made it so people focused on her instead of noticing us." "True," Heidi continued. "We all tried to throw the challenge to get rid of Jon, but we still won. Hmm, what else? Oh yeah, you still need to look out for Helen. She isn't even trying to conceal her envy. And she's trying to say that I'm not working hard enough. Well, duh. A cute, skinny girl can't manage the workload that a bigger woman can." "I'll be careful of her," Jenna said as she slipped on the last article of clothing. "I'll sleep with one eye open." "I know you were joking," said Heidi, "but it really IS that serious. The more weight she gains in this house, the more she envies us for our skinny bodies." "How do I look?" Jenna asked Heidi, after she was fully dressed in Heidi's clothing. "Good enough to eat!" Heidi answered. "Except your shirt is turned the wrong way." "Thanks, Heidi." Jenna turned her shirt the correct way. "It really doesn't matter, though-- I'm probably just gonna get naked. Just kidding only for peanut butter and chocolate." Heidi laughed as she gave her friend another hug. "So what was I doing before I was called to the diary room?" Jenna asked. "You were in the kitchen talking with D," Heidi answered. "I still haven't gotten used to these switches," Jenna Morasca told the cameras. "It's probably the most fun part of the game, but at the same time, it's a little scary. We only see each other for these five-minute switches and to give our goodbye messages to the outcasts, so there's a LOT that you miss. It gives a huge handicap." "Almost as much of a handicap as our cute bodies," Heidi chimed in. "Right," Jenna laughed. And with that, Jenna Morasca turned the doorknob and made her way out of the diary room. * "Hagh, Hahdi," Darrah greeted Jenna Morasca as she walked into the kitchen. "Hey, D." "So ah' was thinkin' about what you said about sendin' Helen away" "Wait, what?" Jenna was startled. "You know, what we was talkin' about before you got called into the dahry room." "Oh," said Jenna. "Can you, like, recap everything that we talked about? Sorry- temporary brain lapse." Darrah scrunched up her face and tilted her head to the side. "Ah' had been havin' a conversation wif Hahdi," Darrah said in the diary room, "and lahke fahve minutes later, she had forgotten eeeeeeeeverythin' that we had talked about. For such a smart girl, she really doesn't know what's goin' awwwwn half the tahme." "I'm just gonna lie down," Jenna told Darrah. "I have some kind of parasites in my brain that are causing amnesia." "Really? Did you see a doctor?" "Self diagnosis." "All raght," said Darrah. "See you tomorrow mornin'." At that moment, Jenna ran out of the kitchen and hastily made her way upstairs. "That was strange," Darrah said to herself. "Ah' guess this game is makin' all of us tarred." Team Believe Dirk tossed and turned in his sheets during a fit of sleepless rage. It was hard to find peace or happiness when the girl of his dreams wanted nothing to do with him. Just as he finally began drifting off, he heard a loud knock at his door. "Come in, dawg." Dirk watched as Mia walked into his room, her face streaming with tears. "Oh, what's up, girl? Something wrong?" "Dirk, there's something I have to tell you" "Can it wait 'til the mornin'?" "No; I have to tell you right now," Mia explained. "Let's go outside." "A'ight," Dirk hopped out of bed dressed in a white T-shirt and a pair of Scooby-Doo boxers. "I hope this isn't to cuss me out." Mia was silent as Dirk followed her out to the front yard. "Whoa, what in the Lord's good name has happened?" Dirk asked once the two were outside. They had stepped outside to find themselves in a beautiful, romantic beach setting. "I can't hide my feelings for you anymore," Mia said to Dirk as she walked towards the ocean. "What do you mean, girl?" Dirk chased after his crush. "Dude, are you, like, that stupid?" Mia asked. "I said that I have to stop hiding my true feelings for you." "So wait, what?" Dirk asked. "You like me?" "Like you?" Mia laughed. "Try die-hard, head over heels, crazy in love with you. I was just playing the 'hard to get' card. It was pretty much my only card, and now I'm done playing it." "You know I love you, too," Dirk caught up with Mia, cupped her chin in his palms, and gently stroked her cheek with his thumb. "You're the most amazing girl I've met in my entire life." "Dude, you're the most perfect man in the world," Mia said. "You're like my dream, Dirk." Dirk and Mia held hands as they walked down the coastline, the tide crashing at their bare feet. "I picture us taking long walks like this every night," Mia whispered to Dirk. "I don't want to be without you ever. I picture us lying in bed late at night talking about what are children are up to" "I want six children," Dirk laughed. "Oh my God, me TOO!" Mia screamed with joy. "Imagine taking them all to Disney World that's like my dream. And you and I would hold hands on the roller coasters at night. If I got sick, you would hold my hair back and I'd just feel complete just by having you in my life." "Sounds like you feel the same way I do, baby. Would you would you marry me? We can set a date after the game finishes." "No!" Mia shouted. "No?" Dirk was taken aback. "I mean, no, I'm not gonna WAIT for the game to be over! I love you; I want to marry you now!" Just then, Julie Chen and Jeff Probst materialized out of nowhere. "You're an ordained minister, right, Jeff?" Dirk asked. "Yup," Jeff answered. "I'm here to marry the two of you." Julie grinned, revealing a mouth of perfect, straight, white teeth. "Dirk Been, the substitute teacher turned aspiring actor from Spring Green, Wisconsin, and Mia Galeotalanza, the finance manager from Tom's River, New Jersey, are about to become husband and wife. But first, Jeff Probst will hold the wedding ceremony right now. These lovebirds have been shot by Cupid's arrow, but will they actually say, 'I do,' and make it last? Stay with us." Jeff Probst turned to Dirk, who was grinning from ear to ear. "Do you, Dirk Been, take this woman, Mia Galeotalanza, to be your lawfully wedded wife, and will you be true to her, love her, cherish her, and protect her, in sickness and in health, in poverty or in wealth, until death do you part?" "I do, dawg," Dirk agreed. Jeff then turned to face the blushing bride. "And do you, Mia Galeotalanza, take this man, Dirk Been, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to be true to him, love him, honor him, and cherish him, in sickness and in health, in poverty or wealth, as long as you shall live?" "I do," Mia said with a smirk. "Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife," Jeff completed the ceremony. "You may now make out." Dirk swallowed Mia's entire face in a huge kiss. "I can't wait to consummate this!" Dirk exclaimed. "Who ever said anything about waiting?" Mia was already running towards the bedroom. Dirk laughed as he chased after her. "How will this new twist of fate affect the game?" Julie asked, addressing the audience. "Stay tuned." Day 10 Dirk woke up that morning feeling like he was on top of the world. "I'm so glad I held out for you, Mia," he said. "Thank the Lord I turned down that offer to make a video with Jenna." But he soon realized that he was talking to thin air. "Where are you, babe?" Dirk asked. "MIA? Come here!" At that moment, Mia and Linda came running into the room. "Dude, what's wrong?" Mia asked. "I thought someone died or something." "Linda, can you leave?" Dirk asked. "I'd like to spend some time with my wife." Linda and Mia looked at each other before falling on the floor in laughter. "Oh my Hercules, that made my day!" Linda snickered. "Wife?" Mia asked. "Dude, have you been stealing some of Jonny Fairplay's weed?" "Yeah, wife," said Dirk. "We went outside last night and the yard had somehow turned into a beach, and you professed your love for me, and then Julie and Jeff appeared out of nowhere, and. Oh, I guess it was a dream." Mia snorted and rolled her eyes at Dirk. "So, ANYway, Linda," Mia laughed, "I need you to take a look at these outfits. I'm not sure what to wear to the challenge today." "Oh, no problem, sweetie," said Linda. "I have two outfits laid out on the couch," Mia explained. "I'm either gonna wear my polka-dot skirt with these really cute knee-high boots, or I'm gonna go more casual and wear flip flops with these adorable camouflage Capri pants." "Mia has a very unique. fashion sense," Jenna Lewis said in the diary room, "and by 'unique,' I mean fucking hideous." "I know I'm gonna wear my denim jacket and these cute, big, hoop earrings," Mia told Linda, "and a scarf, of course. I think I'm gonna wear my black and white striped one." "Oh, no," said Linda. "Wear the scarf you made out of deflated balloons." "Mia has these scarves that she wears," Jenna continued in a confessional. "The only reason I would ever wear a scarf would be to cover up a hickey." "I even have a skirt at home that I made entirely out of ties sewn together," Mia told Linda as they walked downstairs. "Oh, that sounds veeeeeeeery cute," Linda complimented. "Hey, is that a nose ring?" "Yeah. Why?" "Oh, I just never noticed it. I would never let my daughter get one, but it looks great on you." "Maybe she dresses herself in the dark," Jenna told the cameras. "If you've ever seen 'Lord of the Rings,' Gollum dreaded the light, so it's probably the same with Mia. My philosophy when it comes to dressing myself is that less is more. The more you show, the more likely you are to get LAID." When Mia and Linda arrived in the living room, Mia immediately noticed that something was missing. "Dude, I think someone took my scarf," Mia said, looking around the room. "I had a black and white scarf laid out right next to my outfits." "Honey, are you sure?" "Positive. I think it was Jenna." "Then call her down here" "Jenna, what the hell is your PROBLEM?" Mia screamed. "Get your ass down here right now!" Jenna shrieked as she bounced down the stairs. "What is it, Gollum?" Mia rolled her eyes like a zombie. "Don't play the innocent card!" she yelled. "You know EXACTLY what you did." "Mia thinks that the god of avarice has motivated you to take her belongings," Linda explained. "Can you put that in fucking layman's terms" Jenna asked. "You took my scarf!" Mia yelled. "What the FUCK?" Jenna yelled. "I had it laid out right here on the couch and now it's gone," Mia went on. "I didn't take it, Gollum!" "Yes, you DID, Jenna!" "What would I want with your scarf? It's not wintertime." "I don't know!" Mia screamed. "You tell ME why you took it!" "I. DIDN'T. FUCKING. TAKE IT. I have waaaaay better taste than that." "Dude, I don't care whether you like the scarf or not; I just want it back." "For the third time," said Jenna, "I didn't take it. But while we're on the subject of theft, I believe you took one of my toys." "What are you talking about?" "It was a red dildo," Jenna explained. "I needed it for a solo vid, and when I reached into the drawer to get it, it was missing." "And you think I took it?" Mia laughed. "I KNOW you took it." "That's bullshit, Jenna!" Mia yelled. "That's just foul. I have absolutely no desire to steal your disgusting toys You keep them, and you do whatever the hell you've been doing with them." "Just give it back," Jenna snapped. "I've had that toy since I was TWELVE." Mia rolled her eyes and shook her head furiously. At that moment, Dirk walked into the room. "Have any of you seen my Bible?" he asked. "I was reading it earlier," said Jenna. "I was looking at a few verses from Song of Solomon. That book has SOOOOOO much sex talk in it; I LOVE it." "Well, can I have it back?" Dirk laughed. "I need to read it before the challenge to get pumped and motivated." "Oh, I put it on your dresser as soon as I finished reading," said Jenna. "It's gone now," said Dirk. "Are you sure you didn't take it, Jenna?" "I didn't TAKE your fucking BIBLE!" Jenna shrieked. "I told you that I put it back!" "You took it, Linda," Dirk accused. "That was wroooooooong," Linda snapped. "Maybe I don't agree with your monotheism, but there is NOOOOOOOO way that I would invade your personal space and take something that wasn't mine. I think you owe me an apology." "I honestly don't feel like I do owe you one," Dirk disagreed. "I think you took it." "It's that fugly Gollum bitch MIA who took it," Jenna told Dirk. "Be mad at HER. She's pissed at me because I didn't get nominated, and she's pissed at you for not nominating me. That's why she took your Bible and my sex toy!" "Dude, that's just hilarious," Mia snorted. "You've gotta give me more credit than that. You and Dirk are filled up to your ears with bullshit." "Really SUCK IT, Mia!" Jenna yelled. Mia rolled her eyes and walked off. "Linda and I never really talked," Mia said in the diary room, "but it's like we're bonding now just because Dirk and Jenna are just so absolutely repulsive. I'm still convinced that Jenna stole my scarf, which is fine; I'll just wear my balloon one. But I find it completely atrocious that she would do something like that. I almost want to be sent to the other house, because I'm so sick of her and Dirk." "I STILL WANT MY DILDO BACK!" Jenna yelled as Mia walked away. "I'm tired of her goofy outfits," Jenna said in a confessional. "I'm tired of her raspy voice; I'm tired of her getting into my things; I'm tired of her making videos at every waking moment-- wait, that's me. EEEEEEEK! HA, HA, HA! I've pretty much had ENOUGH of her; I cannot WAIT to send her to Team Slutty Vid." Team Slutty Vid "All raghty, let's see what we have here." Tina reached into Team Slutty Vid's mailbox and pulled out a scroll and a red pen. "I'd KILL to win a reward," Helen said frankly. "We haven't won one yet." "Today, you will be choosin' your own reward," Tina read aloud. "Oh! Oh!" Helen exclaimed. "That's perfect!" "On this parchment is a place for each of you to write down one thing that you would like as your reward. When you're finished, put this scroll back in your mailbox. If you win today's challenge, you will receive everything you wrote down along with the four items chosen by Team Believe's members. The losers will get nothin'." "I already know what I'm writing down," Helen said as Tina handed her the scroll. "I could REALLY use some cooking spices. My yogurt chicken recipe just isn't the same without paprika." "Well, how 'bout a cookbook?" Tina suggested. "Tina," Helen laughed, "you know I don't NEED a cookbook. I could name about 110 recipes off the top of my head. Like my Italian mushroom risotto recipe. We'll start with the ingredients, as always 4 cups of water, 1/2 ounce of dried porcini mushrooms, a tablespoon of olive oil, one cup of medium-grain rice, 1/4 cup of dry red wine, a cup of Parmesan cheese, 2 cups of sliced onions" Tina nodded tentatively as her friend explained her recipe. "Now, you might want to use white wine instead of red" Helen continued. "Mmm," Tina licked her lips. "Sounds delicious! But why don't we get the others n' ask them what they want for a reward?" "Oh, all right," Helen agreed. "I think Darrah and Heidi are out back." Helen and Tina made their way around the house to the backyard, where they found Darrah and Jenna Morasca lounging by the pool. "It's almost time for the challenge, baby dolls," Tina told them. "We got a list, n' we each get to write down one thing we want as a reward." "Let me see that," said Darrah. Tina handed Darrah the scroll and pen; Darrah quickly wrote something down and handed it back to Tina. "Farwood," Tina read. "All raght, sounds good enough to me." "I'm not sure what to write down," said Jenna Morasca. "Maybe an animal Or maybe just some peanut butter; we're running out" "We can all go in the livin' room to talk about it," Tina suggested. The four women walked inside and made their way to the living room, but when they got there they found the room to be as naked as Jenna and Jon during a video. "The couch is missin'!" Tina exclaimed. "The T.V.'s gone, tew," Darrah noticed. "What?" asked Jenna Morasca. "This is just scandalous." "Holy guacamole," said Helen. "Speaking of guacamole, I have a great green chili guacamole recipe. Do you think Jon took all this stuff away?" "Lahke he'd be strooooong enough to carry it," Darrah laughed. "He needs the T.V. to watch his pornos," Jenna added. At that moment, Jon pranced down the stairs, flashing his infamous "Jonny Fairplay" gang signs. "Whoa," Jon asked, "did we have a break-in?" "From now on, I'm gonna stand on guard at night with a gun to ward off intruders," said Helen. "Unless you did it, Jon. Did you?" "Fuck, no," said Jon. "You and Tina have probably been having lesbian sex on that couch every night. I wouldn't touch it." "Scrap the cooking spices," Helen muttered to Tina. "Maybe my item should be a muzzle for Jon." "Item?" Jon asked. "We each get tew piyck a reward," Darrah told Jon. "My reward would be getting to watch Helen jump off a cliff, spouting recipes the whole time," Jon sneered. "Just kidding. I want the new 'Backdoor Whores' DVD box set. They're my favorite videos besides the ones I'm in." "Now, why don't you pick something that everybody could use?" Tina asked. "Why?" Jon smirked, flashing his gang signs once again. "You and Helen probably picked a double-headed strap-on. Only you two can use that. Actually, I already have porn I can watch I'm gonna choose strippers as my reward." "Just let him talk," Jenna M. whispered. "Well, we already have Heidi in the house as far as strippers go," Jon mouthed off. "Why don't you get naked for us?" "Yeah, maybe for food," Jenna yelled. "Not for your enjoyment! That's just gross." "Let's just write down our choices and get ready for the challenge," Tina suggested. "And hope that Jenna is still in the game when we get there" Jon added. "Or pray that she's not," Jenna Morasca whispered to Helen. "I HOPE to GOD that Jenna was voted out last night," Helen said in the diary room. "That way, at least one head of the snake is gone, and hopefully Jon will follow in her footsteps. But above everything, I hope that Darrah sends away Jon. Imagine not having to deal with Jon or Jenna. It would be HEAVEN." After each member of Team Slutty Vid had selected their reward, Jenna Morasca took the scroll outside to place in the mailbox. As all five members prepared for the reward challenge, thoughts were racing through their minds like wildfire. Who had been voted out of Team Believe? And who was the culprit behind the missing items? Their questions would be answered in a matter of minutes.
survivibrother	Episode 4- Day 10 (Part 2)	#24	[-]
Posts: 46 (02/05/07 12:24 AM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	The five members of Team Slutty Vid walked into an area in front of the two SurviviBrother houses where they met Jeff Probst and Julie Chen. "Welcome to today's reward challenge," Jeff grinned. "We have a lot to get to today, but I'm sure you're dying to see who was voted out last night at Team Believe." Jon gulped and swiveled his head towards the front of Team Believe's two-story blue house. "Come on in, guys!" Jeff motioned for Team Believe to enter the challenge. "EEEEEEEEEK!" Jenna Lewis jumped up and down as her three team members followed behind. "Helloooooooooooooooooooo!" Jon jumped up and down in relief before smirking and flashing his gang signs in Jenna's direction. Jenna nodded and flashed the signs back to Jon. "Kill. Me. Now," Helen muttered. "Now," said Julie Chen, "we have a very important challenge to get to, but first, we have some business to take care of. Jenna and Darrah: you were told that if you remained in the game, you would have the responsibility of sending one of your members to the other house. Jenna, we'll start with you. I need you to announce your decision right now." "Oh, yeah, THIS is a tough one," Jenna said sarcastically. "Bye, Mia!" Mia rolled her eyes and smirked as she joined her new teammates. She immediately ran up and hugged Darrah. "And Darrah," Julie continued, "who would you like to send?" "Ummm ah' dunno" "For the love of mercy, SEND. JON," Helen begged. "Yes, please," Tina agreed. "Ah'll send Jawwwwwwwn away," Darrah decided. "YES!" Jenna Lewis shrieked as Jon joined Team Believe. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! We're gonna be having sex tonight! SHRIEK!" "Make sure to use protection, kids," Jenna Morasca laughed. Jenna and Jon cheered as they hugged and danced around in circles. Helen rolled her eyes. "All right," said Jeff. "Mia and Jon have switched houses. If you guys are still in the game after this round, you will also send a member to the other team." Mia nodded. "You already know what you're playing for." Jeff handed each team a scroll. "We've compiled a list of the nine rewards you will receive if you win this challenge. Do not open these scrolls until after the game. The winners will get all nine things, while the losers will get to see what they missed out on." "I'll take it from here," said Julie. "The name of this challenge is 'Ready, Set, GONE!' That is because we have secretly been removing items from both houses" "So it was YOU who took my toy!" Jenna shrieked. "I knew you were a whore." "Each team will stand at their own booth," Julie ignored Jenna. "I will give you clues about items that are missing. The first team to buzz in will get to answer. If you answer incorrectly, the point will go to the other team. The first team to three points will be the winner. Everyone clear?" "Yup," Darrah answered. "All right," Julie said as the houseguests took their places. "It's time to begin, but first, Team Slutty Vid has one extra member, so I need one person to sit out." "I'll sit out," Helen raised her hand. "Okay," Julie continued. "Remember that the first team to buzz in gets to answer. First clue: Without this item, you may find yourself in trouble on a lonely night." Mia slammed down on the buzzer. "Jenna's toy." "That is correct," Julie said with a grin. "That puts Team Slutty Vid in the lead 1-0." Jenna Lewis rolled her eyes. "Next question: You may get cold without this item wrapped around your neck." "Mia's ugly-ass scarf," Jenna buzzed in. "That is correct." Mia shook her head fiercely and put her hand over the buzzer in preparation for the next question. "Both teams are now even with one point each," Julie continued. "Keep in mind that the first to three wins. Next clue: Too much of this item can lead to obesity and corrupt your mind." Mia buzzed in with knee-jerk reflexes. "Is it videos?" she whispered to her team. "Heck, ah' dunno," said Darrah. "Ah' was thinkin' farwood." "You know, it maght be the T.V.," a light bulb went off in Tina's head. "You guys had your T.V. taken away?" Mia whispered. "We sure did, girly girl." "I think that's it, then." "I guess I'm corrupted," Jenna Morasca laughed. "I'm a T.V. fanatic. I think we're missing PUNK'D for this." "Team Slutty Vid, I need you give me an answer right now," Julie interrupted. "Television," Mia answered. "That is correct," Julie said on cue. "That puts Team Slutty Vid in the lead 2-1." Jenna Lewis gritted her teeth. "Next question," Julie continued. "Fill in the blank: It's hard to be a couch potato without a ___________." Jenna Lewis pounded on the buzzer. "Couch, right?" Jenna whispered to Jon, Linda, and Dirk. "Did you guys have your couch stolen?" "Yup, we did, dawg," Dirk replied. "Couch," Jenna answered. "You can also have sex on a couch. You can even sit on a couch and watch porn." "That is correct," Julie announced. "That ties us up 2-2. This next question will determine the winner. Are you ready?" Mia and Jenna placed their hands over their respective buzzers. "Without this item, Team Believe could be going straight to hell," Julie gave the final clue. "BIBLE!" Jenna slammed down on her buzzer. "That is correct," Julie announced. "Congratulations, Team Believe, you are the winners of today's reward challenge!" "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Jenna Lewis shrieked. "YES! YIIIKE! SHRIIIIIIIIEK!" Mia rolled her eyes as she jerked her head from side to side. "Your missing items will be given back to you shortly," Jeff told the nine houseguests. "It's a little too late," said Jenna Lewis. "Now that Jon is back, I don't need any materials for a solo vid." Mia rolled her eyes and scowled at Jenna Lewis. "It's okay," whispered Jenna M. And Mia agreed it was okay. In a way, she had won. She was away from the likes of Jenna and Dirk and back with her friend Darrah. It was just hard to lose a challenge to Jenna Lewis, who was now screaming and celebrating at the top of her lungs. "YEEEEEEEEEEK! SHRIEK!" Jenna yelled. "Isn't it odd that as soon as we get rid of Mia, we win a challenge?" "I just thank the gods for our win!" Linda exclaimed. The four members of Team Believe rejoiced as Team Slutty Vid shook their heads and walked back inside. They could not wait to see what they had won. Team Slutty Vid "It's okay," Jenna Morasca said to her team as they walked into the living room. "Immunity is what really counts." "Dude, I know," Mia agreed. "I don't feel bad at all." "I was actually happy to get the hell out of that house," Mia said in the diary room. "I had definitely had enough. My only regret is that Jenna got her way, and that I'm not still there to defend my team from her. But overall, this is a blessing." "Can I just say something?" Mia motioned for the team to get together in a circle. "I am extremely stoked to be here. This is absolutely a group of amazing girls, and I know we're gonna kick ass and win every single immunity challenge. Linda is their most sane member. Jenna is probably their leader, which is one giant JOKE. Jon is a thirty-pound little weasel, and Dirk is like a lost puppy dog." "Hey, don't compare that dork to a puppy," Jenna Morasca laughed. "I like animals!" "All right," Mia agreed. "I just want all of us ladies to keep a positive attitude and KNOW that we're gonna smoke 'em in the challenges." "Yeah!" Jenna Morasca clapped her hands together. "I'm all for girl power!" "Jon's gonna HATE losing to five females," Helen smirked. "So far, Mia's been a GREAT addition to our team," Helen said in the diary room. "She immediately told us how THRILLED she was to get away from Jenna, and she gave us this big pep speech. With Jenna and Jon gone, my headache is gone as well. I can COOK now, and I can have peace of mind." "Let's see what we missed out on," Jenna Morasca opened the scroll Jeff had given on. "Reward #1 more film for making videos." "Like we would even NEED that," said Helen. "Ginna is just so slutty," Tina shook her head. "Reward #2 a stress ball," Jenna read. "Okay, that's a boring item" "Hey, I picked that!" Mia laughed. "You know, those little things you squeeze when you get stressed out. I don't need it, though, now that I'm away from Team Believe." "Ethan has one of those," Jenna told her. "His looks like a soccer ball. I guess dating me would be pretty stressful." "What are you talking about, Heidi?" Helen asked. "Oh" Jenna bit her tongue. "I just wish I could date Ethan." "Dude, Ethan is, like, hot," Mia agreed. "Yeah," Darrah agreed. "If he e'er dahes, ah' would loooooove to be the one to embalm him." Everyone turned to stare at Darrah. "Mortician joke," she explained. "Gosh, ya'll cain't even tell when someone is jokin'?" "Is Ethan is still datin' Ginna M. from Survivor: Amazon?" Tina asked. "Yup," Jenna answered. "I love Jenna Morasca. We still talk all the TIME. I miss her." "Jenna was such an undeserving winner," Helen blurted out. "I was going for Matt all the way." "Why?" Jenna asked. "I just could never vote for someone with ZERO work ethic. Jenna just let all the guys do the work while she sat on her ass and complained. That kind of stuff would have driven me UP. THE. WALL. She won because she got naked." "The game isn't all about work ethic," said Jenna. "I was the one who played the game I mean Jenna was. I, Heidi, was a Mastermind in my own way, though." "All I know is that the audience is usually ROARING when a winner is announced," Helen laughed. "Sitting in the former Survivor has-been section of the crowd, the silence was DEAFENING when Jenna won." "If they weren't roaring, it was probably just because Rupert wasn't in the audience," said Jenna. "We can just agree to disagree." "I just ended that conversation as quickly as possible," Jenna Morasca said in the diary room. "If it continued, I may have let out aaaall my secrets, which would have screwed over Heidi and me big time. I'll just have to prove that I am deserving by winning AGAIN." "Reward #3 a statue of Zeus" "Another thing we couldn't use," Mia pointed out. "That's so sacrilegious," said Helen. "#4 The Holy Bible: Pimp's Edition" "What the hell?" Mia asked. "Dirk is so patheeeeeetic," Darrah added. "Looooooooser!" Jenna laughed, making the shape of an "L" on her forehead. "Reward #5 cooking spices." "Damn it, I would give the WORLD for that," Helen groaned. "But you've been making great recipes already," Jenna told her. "So it's not like we needed the spices." "I guess so." "Reward #6: Doritos and Mountain Dew." "Oh mah' gaaaaawsh, whah' did you have to READ that one?" Tina sighed. "Now my mouth is waterin'." "At this point," Tina said in the diary room, "ah' would give up anything for a refreshin' glass of Mountain Dew and some delicious Doe-ri-toes." "#7: Farwood," Jenna read. "Hey, ah' didn't know what else to wrahte down," Darrah explained. "Ah' thought that if we had farwood as a reward, then ah' wouldn't have to worry about goin' out n' gittin' some." "I don't think we have to worry about firewood now that Butch is gone," Mia laughed. "Reward #8: Strippers." "Jon is so OBSCENE," Helen shook her head. "He doesn't think about anything other than doing drugs and having cheap sex." "I think we'll do okay without that reward," Jenna laughed. "And last but not least Reward #9: a month's supply of Skippy Peanut Butter." "We didn't really miss out on teeeew much," said Darrah. "Except the peanut butter," Jenna replied, "but I have an idea." Jenna looked up at the loudspeaker on the wall. "Hey, SurviviBrother, if I get naked, will you give me the month's supply of peanut butter?" "I don't think we can do that," a nerdy male voice replied. "Yes, we can, damn it!" Jeff Probst's voice interrupted. "Someone get that girl some fucking peanut butter right now!" "Okay," the other person addressed Jenna. "If you strip, we'll deliver the peanut butter to you guys." "Here goes," Jenna laughed as she pulled off her top. Helen rolled her eyes and left the room. "Ta-da!" Jenna waved her arms and began dancing once she was fully naked. "Ah' lahke Hahdi, but she's craaaaaaazy," Darrah said in the diary room. "Ah' would ne'er get naked for peanut butter." Mere seconds later, a man entered the house, delivering several heavy boxes of Skippy peanut butter. "Modesty isn't an issue for me," Jenna explained in the diary room. "I don't see the big deal about nudity; it's just like wearing a bikini-- only a little skimpier. I wonder who decided that being naked was such a horrible thing, anyway; it's a natural part of life and nothing to be ashamed of. Okay, I'm sounding like Richard Hatch now." Jenna put her clothes back on before opening a box of peanut butter. She opened a jar, ate a mouthful of peanut butter, and licked her fingers. "Best peanut butter I've had in my life," Jenna told the cameras. "You have to be smart and you can get what you want." * "Would you ever get naked for peanut butter?" Mia asked Darrah. The two former Team Believe members were sitting at the kitchen table. "Ah' wouldn't," Darrah answered. "Maybe for chocolate chip cookies or somethin'." "Ah' was really happy about bein' back with Mia," Darrah said in the diary room. "She's definitely mah' best friend iyn this game. She's mah' only allahance in this house, n' probably the only person who ah' cin trust." "Ah' hope ah' made the raght decision by sendin' away Jon," said Darrah. "Dude, you totally did," Mia assured her. "Cuz ah' know that if Jon was still here, he maght be a target ahead of us." "Maybe," said Mia, "but I could not deal with Jon. I think with Jon gone, we have a more normal group of people. By sending him away, we have a much better chance of winning. Those guys are going to be fighting non-stop, while we all get along." "Ah'm lahkin' our new team so far," Darrah agreed. "Dude, we're totally gonna kick ass," Mia smirked, "and you and I are gonna take this thing to the end." Team Believe "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Jenna Lewis squealed as Team Believe went through their winnings. "I was soooo happy to win this Zeus statue," said Linda. "I'm happy you won it, too," Jenna L. took a look at the statue of the shirtless, bearded god holding a thunderbolt. "Those Greek gods were fucking HOT. Look at those muscles. EEEEEEEEEEK! I'm so going to Hades for that one." Dirk glared at the statue and shook his head. "Do you we have to keep this inside?" he asked. "I don't want anything to do with a false god." "Oh, SUCK IT, Dirk!" Jenna laughed. "Go read your Pimp's Edition Bible." At that moment, the doorbell rang. "YEEEEEEK! SHRIEK!" Jenna shouted. "That must be the strippers!" The door swung open and two middle-aged women walked inside the house. Linda immediately recognized the first lady as one of her fellow Survivor: Africa contestants: Kim Johnson. The second lady had curly reddish hair and was wearing a Scout uniform. Jon recognized her as Lillian Morris, the woman who had cost him the million dollars on Survivor: Pearl Islands. "You two aren't the strippers, are you?" Jon asked, horrified. "We sure are!" Kim answered. "WHOO BABY!" Lill shouted. She threw off her Scout pants to reveal that she had on a large pair of white granny panties. "Lill immediately stripped down to just her Scout shirt and granny panties," Dirk said in the diary room. "Being a virgin, I felt very uncomfortable seeing a woman in that way. You know, I wish she had been wearin' more clothes." "My turn!" Kim exclaimed. She slowly pulled off her clothes, twirled them around, and threw them to the ground. Eventually, she was wearing only a black sports bra and a tiny, black thong. "No men?" Jenna asked as the two women danced around the living room. "This is, like, discriminatory!" Just then, a large man with a thick beard and a tie-dyed tanktop walked into the room. It was Rupert Boneham from Survivor: Pearl Islands. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Jenna jumped up and down. "YES!" "ROOOOOOOOOAR!" Rupert shouted, pumping his fist in the air. "I used to be very hairy and scary, but after Survivor, I'm seen as a sex symbol. It's amaaaaazing." Rupert threw off his tanktop and joined Kim and Lill in their dancing. "I think I just threw up in my mouth," Jon told his teammates. "When I asked for strippers, I expected hot women with huge tits and tight bodies," Jon told the cameras. "Instead, we get two old hags and that fat fuck Rupert dancing around our living room. I'd rather see Helen shaking it than any of those three and that's bad." Lill jumped onto the couch where Dirk was sitting and shook her granny-pantied butt in front of his face. Disgusted, Dirk got up and stormed out of the room. "I honestly can't believe how wicked and immoral my own teammates are," Dirk told the cameras. "And ever since Jon came over, it's just been magnified. Jenna is spending all her time with him now. And nothin's changed with Linda; she's just as irritatin' as always. I just want my baby Mia back." * "Those strippers were such a waste of time," Jon muttered to Jenna Lewis. The two vidmakers were standing on the upstairs balcony and staring down at the living room. "Really?" Jenna laughed as she leaned on the railing. "I kind of enjoyed it. Of course, I would rather have been making a video!" "Then let's go make one." "You MIND READER!" Jenna laughed. "Okay, we've gotta think of an EXCITING place to do it!" "Well, before we make the video" Jon's voice was shaking. "I've gotta tell you something." "Oh, sure." "After being away from Jenna for what felt like weeks," Jon told the cameras, "I realized that I had some feelings for her. When we got back, I wanted to tell her how much she means to me, but I was scared. What if Jenna sees me as nothing more than a fuck? She might want nothing to do with me once she knows how I feel." Jenna and Jon walked into the nearest room and closed the door behind them. "I think this is Linda's room," Jenna looked at the objects in the room. There was the Zeus statue they had won in the challenge, a polytheistic Bible, and a meditation rug. "What if we did it on her meditation rug? Would the gods approve? EEEEEEEEEEK! Oh, what did you want to tell me?" "Well" Jon stuttered, "I've mi missed you a lot these past few days." "Aww." "And I know now that I l lo lo. lov missed making videos with you." Jon slapped himself in the face. "At the last minute, I chickened out," Jon said in the diary room. "I couldn't do it." "That's so sweet!" Jenna shrieked as she gave Jon a hug. "I've missed making videos with YOU as well. It's been horrible without you HORRIBLE! I tried to make a video with Dirk, and that wuss turned down my offer." Jon's mouth dropped open. "When Jenna told me that she tried to have sex with Dirk, I was a little pissed off," Jon told the cameras. "I never attempted to have sex with Heidi or Darrah, even though I know both chicks would have said 'yes' in a millisecond. I cared about Jenna too much to fuck another girl." "Oh, come on, Jon," Jenna could sense that Jon was hurt by his facial expression. "I wasn't doing it because I WANTED to have sex with Dirk. I wanted to give Dirk a pity fuck. Can you believe that he's STILL a virgin?" "Wait he is?" "Yup." "Is it because of his religion?" Jon was shocked. "Hell, even God probably wants him to hurry up and get laid." Jenna suddenly got very quiet. She opened the door and looked around to see that no one was within earshot. "Okay." Jenna closed the door and walked over to whisper something in Jon's ear. "Here's the thing: I think Dirk's gay." "Are you serious?" "DEAD serious. But I think he's veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery closeted. He won't even admit it to HIMSELF." "So you think he turned down your offer because he only has sex with guys?" Jon asked. "Oh, no," Jenna answered. "He's never had sex. Trust me. I'm a sexpert, and I can TELL whether someone's done it or not." "Well, he's as queer as a three dollar bill if he refused to have sex with YOU," Jon stated as he sat down on the floor. "Then why don't YOU make a video with him?" Jenna asked. "He needs to be de-flowered." "Me?" "Yeah. You've been with guys before, haven't you?" "Well, yeah," Jon answered, "but I was really drunk at the time." "We can't let Dirk DIE a virgin," Jenna laughed. "Please do it. Think of it as a favor to me." "All right," Jon agreed. "I hope my grandmother isn't watching, though. She told me that she didn't approve of the gay lifestyle." "Oh, she HAS to understand! She'll know that you're doing this as a FAVOR to Dirk. This is like a life or death situation for him." "Hey, it might be fun." Jon rose from his seat on the floor and stretched out his arms. In doing this, he accidentally hit Linda's statue of Zeus. The statue toppled backwards onto the floor and broke in half. "Oh, fuck," Jon muttered. At that second, they heard a tap at the door. "Someone in here?" Linda walked into the room to see Jenna and Jon with guilty facial expressions. "I need to say a quick prayer to my statue." But then a look of shock and fear flashed over Linda's face. She noticed that her new statue was in two pieces, lying on the floor. "Holy Hercules!" she exclaimed. "What happened?" "Linda walked in, and Jon looked like a DEER in the HEADLIGHTS," Jenna Lewis said in the diary room. "I'm a nice girl; I decided to take the blame." "I was trying to have sex with it, and it fell over and broke!" Jenna told Linda. "Why?" Linda gasped. "Why would you desecrate a shrine to one of the most powerful gods? The statue was made for worshiping!" "Oh, I was WORSHIPING it, all right!" Jenna cackled. "Oh my gods!" Linda knelt down in front of the broken statue. "Linda is SUCH a fucking LOONY," Jenna continued in the diary room. "She's good to have around just as someone to LAUGH at." "It was nice of Jenna to take the fall for me," Jon told the cameras, "but Linda's reaction was hilarious as hell. After that, I didn't really care how angry she would be at us." "That wasn't why it broke, though," Jon told Linda. "Jenna did try to have sex with it, but it broke when I threw it against the wall." "You did it on purpose?" Linda asked. "Yeah." "WHY?" Linda asked. "I would never break any of your video equipment!" "Because you're uh ugly, and I wanted to see you break down," Jon answered. Linda bit her lip. "It's just a fucking statue, you homely bitch!" Jenna shrieked. "EEEEEK!" Jenna and Jon shrieked as they began kicking the remains of the statue. Tears streaming down her face, Linda walked out of the room. "I don't understand why those fiends would go out of their way to attack me and destroy my property," Linda said in the diary room. "I'm feeling like an outsider here. Jenna and Jon are doing their best to make me feel unwelcome, and Dirk is obviously out to get me. I have the gods on my side, though. Hopefully, that will get me through; if not, my days here could be numbered." *** That night in the shower, Dirk sang at the top of his lungs as the warm water fell on his head. "Mia, I love you, you know it's true" Dirk poured a glob of shampoo into his palm and began massaging his hair. "I love you more than my hair loves this shampoo" Dirk sighed as he rinsed his hair. "It kills me that I may never be with you" Dirk turned off the water and reached for a towel. "Girl, we're made for each other; I know that, so why don't you? When I try to say hello, you say adieu; But deep down... I know you love me, too." Dirk wrapped his towel around his waist before leaving the bathroom and making his way to the Head of Household bedroom. When he got there, he took a seat on his king-sized bed. "What's up?" Jon suddenly popped up from under the covers. "What in Jesus' name are you doin'?" "I'm here for the video," Jon snickered as he reached for Dirk's towel. "Naw, I don't swing that way, dawg." Dirk held onto his towel as he hopped up from the bed. "Uh, Jenna said you did," Jon grinned. "Jenna Lewis?" "Duh. What other Jenna could it possibly have been?" Dirk gritted his teeth. "I was disgusted, quite frankly," Dirk said in the diary room. "I can't believe Jenna is attacking my character like this after I saved her butt last round." "We're gonna have a group meeting," said Dirk. "I'm gonna get dressed first. You go tell Jenna and Linda to gather 'round the kitchen." "All right." Dirk quickly threw on a T-shirt and a pair of jeans before storming down to the kitchen. When he got there, Jenna, Jon, and Linda were sitting around the table. "No one eat any food," Jenna gave a quick warning. "I want to know what's been going on," said an enraged Dirk. "Why was Jon in my bed?" "I told him to do that!" Jenna laughed. "Why?" "Because you're gay and you needed to lose your virginity. I was trying to be NICE to you!" "Why would you think that?" "Well, there had to have been a reason why you didn't want to make that Naughty Nunny vid with me!" "I can't believe I e'er liked Jenna," Dirk told the cameras. "She doesn't believe it's possible for there to be a decent guy who chooses to obey the Lord by abstaining from sex. Because I'm obeying the Lord, she turns it around to say that I'm disobeying the Lord by being a homosexual." "Everyone at home's gonna think I'm gay now!" Dirk freaked out. He paced around the room in circles. "I'm gonna be excommunicated from my church because of you!" "Are you a homophobe?" Jenna asked. "What?" Dirk asked. "No. I love the people; I just don't love the sin." Linda shook her head. "You REALLY need to open your mind." "No, I don't need to do that, Linda," Dirk snapped. "Think about it. The first humans God made were Adam and EVE. Not Adam and Dirk." "So?" Jenna laughed. "The FIRST video I ever made was in a basement, but that doesn't mean it's not okay to vidmake in OTHER locations!" "And since Dirk doesn't want to make a vid with me, you and I need to go make one, Jenna," Jon sneered. "What do you think, Linda?" Dirk asked. "I think Jenna has the right idea," Linda responded, "only I'd phrase it differently. The gods made EVERYTHING and EVERYONE that we see around us, and they made us all different and special. You need to EMBRACE diversity, honey." Dirk rolled his eyes. "I'm goin' to bed," he told the other three. "I'd better lock my door and put a couch and a few chairs in front of it to keep Jon out." "You keep on living in your closed-minded little world," Linda sighed. "I'm off to praise Zeus and Hercules and Apollo and Hera." Filled with anger, Dirk made his way back upstairs to his room and carefully locked his door. "Lord," Dirk whispered, "I'd like to pray for those three. I know they seem like disgusting human beings with a lot of evil in their hearts, but you still love them just the same. Please guide them and lead them towards the path of life." With that, Dirk started to get into bed, but then decided not to, since Jon had been in the bed earlier. He went to sleep on the floor with nothing to cover himself. That is, he tried to go to sleep. As he would start to drift off, he would hear what sounded like Mia's voice or see an illusion of Mia on the walls. A tear rolled down Dirk's cheek as he lay awake deep in thought.
mike039	Re: Episode 4- Day 10 (Part 2)	#25	[-]
Posts: 80 (02/07/07 12:23 AM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	pussy edit because i read the first episode and it's actually really good. even if vee isn't in it.
khnum	Re: Episode 4- Day 10 (Part 2)	#26	[-]
Posts: 25647 (02/09/07 12:43 PM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	This is brilliant. MORE!
KidShacky	wtf	#27	[-]
Posts: 619 (02/11/07 3:27 PM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	please locke
survivibrother	Re: Day 11	#28	[-]
Posts: 46 (02/13/07 9:20 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Day 11 That morning, Dirk walked around like a lovesick zombie. He took a glass down from the cabinet and began to pour some orange juice for breakfast. Not paying attention, he missed the glass and spilled juice all over the counter. Dirk simply shrugged, not caring enough to clean it up. The others were still asleep, anyway. This was Dirk's time to himself. He sat down at the table where he had placed a plate of scrambled eggs. Humming to himself, he traced Mia's name in his food. At that moment, the silence was interrupted. "EEEEEEEEEK!" Jenna and Jon bounced into the kitchen. "What the fuck are you doing in here?" Jenna asked Dirk. "Oh my GOD, look at all that juice you wasted! Get out of my kitchen right now!" "Did you see the sign on the door?" Jon joked. "No virgins allowed." "We're definitely not virgins!" Jenna laughed as she elbowed Jon. "Our video last night was fucking INCREDIBLE. I think I orgasmed eight times! Dirk, are we making you uncomfortable? You probably have no idea what we're talking about, because you're a fucking VIRGIN. HA, HA, HA! SHRIIIIIIIIIIEK!" Dirk simply got up from his seat at the table and sluggishly walked out of the room. "BYE, VIRGIN!" Jenna shrieked. "I'm miserable," Dirk said in the diary room. "There isn't a person in this house who respects my testimony, and they ain't gonna make it easy for me. I'll have to suffer just like Christ did, because nothing will make me stop spreading His word." Dirk went to look for a sheet of paper and a pen. "I'm going to ask Mia out on a date," Dirk continued in his confessional. "I need a break from the people I'm livin' with, and I miss Mia with all my heart. I want to make tonight the best night of her life." Team Slutty Vid "Think we'll have a challenge today?" Helen asked as she and Jenna Morasca walked towards the mailbox. "I hope so," said Jenna. "I really want to beat them." Helen opened the mailbox to find a small envelope. She pulled it out and took a good look at it. "This is bizarre," Helen said. "The letter is addressed to me. It's fromDirk." Helen carefully opened the envelope and read the letter aloud to Jenna Morasca. "Hey, H, I need to ask you a favor. Tonight, I'm gonna ask Mia out on a date, and I want it to be the greatest time of her life. I would like you to cook for me, but don't let Mia know what it's for. I want to surprise her. Thanks for your help. -Dirk." "This is going to be a BLAST," Helen said as she clapped her hands together. "I have an excuse to whoop out some of my all time greatest recipes!" "Can I help?" Jenna asked. "Oooh! Oooh! Yes! That would be excellent!" "All right! This will be fun." "We'd better get started," Helen took a look at her watch. "Let's get to the kitchen!" Helen and Jenna darted to the kitchen. They had just a few hours to prepare a feast fit for a king and his wannabe queen. *** "We've gotta make this perfect," Jenna M. said to Helen. "I'm talking a candlelight dinner with romantic music, champagne, flowers...maybe even fireworks Okay, I'm getting a little carried away now." "Oh, it'll be perfect," said Helen. "I'm going to cook my garlic roasted shrimp recipe. One bite and you feel like you're floating in Heaven." "What about dessert?" Jenna asked. "I think Mia would love my Reeses' Stick Pie recipe." Helen's ears perked up. "Reeses' Stick Pie? What are the ingredients?" "I make it all the time at home," Jenna explained. "You need 3 ounces of cream cheese, a cup of sugar, 4 crushed Reeses' Sticks, a cup of peanut butter, a bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup" "Heidi gave me an EXCELLENT recipe that I had never heard of," Helen said in the diary room. "We really bonded and had a great time. Heidi is an ENIGMA to me; it's like she's two different people. One minute we're at each other's throats and I think she's fake, and the next minute we're getting along. It's like a Dr. Jekyll/ Mr. Hyde thing, and I don't know what's goin' on." "See, I know a few recipes myself!" Jenna laughed as she finished explaining her recipe. "Oh, you certainly do," Helen agreed. "I'm gonna cook Reeses' Stick Pie at home all the time now. I guess you're never too old to learn a new recipe!" Jenna reached into the cabinet and took out some ingredients for the pie. "How come we never got along before?" Helen asked. "I've always liked you," said Jenna. "I misjudged you in the beginning," said Helen. "I was basing my opinion on the way you looked; that was shallow of me and I apologize for that. And maybe I miscomprehended some of the things you said about having a cute body. All that matters is that we're getting along now." Jenna nodded. "I think Helen misunderstood a few comments that Heidi had made," Jenna Morasca said in the diary room. "I mean, yeah, we have great bodies, but we're not conceited or anything!" "Did you always have that mole over your right eyebrow?" Helen asked. "I swear it wasn't there the other day." "Make up," Jenna answered quickly. Night 11 Helen and Jenna M. finished setting up the dinner in Team Believe's backyard. "I'd say we did a great job!" Jenna looked at the table, which was covered by a white tablecloth. In the center of the table was a vase filled with twelve red roses. The only light outside was the glow illuminating from the two candles on each side of the table. "Oh, wow, this looks beautiful," Dirk walked outside wearing a suit and tie. "My baby's gonna love this." "We have every type of food you could DREAM of," said Helen. "This is amazing, ladies," Dirk grinned. "Did you bring any romantic music?" "Oh, crap," said Jenna. "We forgot about that, but I can sing for you two." "Oh, perfect," said Dirk. "You're beautiful, you're beautiful," Jenna sang. "You're beautiful, it's true But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you" "Okay, you can stop now," Dirk motioned for the women to leave. "Mia WILL be mine after tonight. Just wait and see." "Well, if this meal doesn't win her over, NOTHING will," Helen told Dirk. "Not to brag, but this is a world-class dinner." "Good luck," Jenna laughed. With that, Helen and Jenna made their way back towards Team Slutty Vid's house. "She's not gonna go for it," Jenna whispered. *** Mia, Tina, and Darrah were relaxing in one of the upstairs bedrooms, unaware of Dirk's plans. "The reason I was voted off in Survivor was because I got in a fight with Twila," Mia chatted. "She was a bitch like you wouldn't BELIEVE. I called her GUYla because she was so butch." Tina and Darrah nodded silently. "Jenna Lewis makes everyone else look like a saint, though," Mia sighed. "I am SO glad to be away from her" Just then, Mia was interrupted by the sound of Dirk's voice. "Yo, girl!" "Dude, is that Dirk?" Mia asked. "Ah think so," said Darrah. "The sound is comin' from outsahde." Mia opened the window to see Dirk standing outside. "What do you want?" Mia asked, annoyed. "You're looking beautiful today," Dirk blushed. "Come outside. I have a surprise for you." "I'd sooner jump out of this window," Mia rolled her eyes and slammed the window shut. "I LOVE YOU!" Dirk shouted. "Now, Mia, that wasn't nahce," Tina shook her head. "Maybe you should see what Dirk's surprahse is." "Are you serious?" Mia laughed. "Come on," said Tina. "It would make his world if you just did this one thing." "Dude, I can't even believe I'm listening to this," Mia rolled her eyes furiously. "You're bein' immature," Tina remarked. "Tina, you are so full of ridiculous bullshit," Mia snapped. "I don't owe Dirk ANYTHING. You know that you wanted Jenna out just as much as I did, and Dirk is the reason she's still in this game. You would be JUST as pissed at Dirk as I am, so get off your high throne." "Mia, you don't have to get an attitude about it" "WhatEVER, Tina! If you care about Dirk's feelings so much, YOU can go out with him. Don't sit there, pass judgment on me, and tell me what to do, because I am my OWN woman!" Tina opened her mouth to speak but thought better of it. "Mia just gits ANGRY," Tina said in the diary room. "She just blew up on me for one little comment that ah made. Mia is not a very happy person at all." "All I know is that there is NO way in hell that I would ever go out with Dirk," Mia told Tina. *** "Dude, I cannot believe that I am about to go out with Dirk," Mia whispered to herself. Mia walked into Team Believe's yard where she found Dirk sitting alone at the table, tracing the shape of a heart in the air with his index finger. "I didn't think you would show up," Dirk looked up at Mia. "Well, here I am," Mia took a seat across from Dirk. "At the beginning of the date, I felt really bad for Dirk," Mia said in the diary room. "I was thinking that maybe he wasn't that bad of a guy. But then he just started being obnoxious." "You don't have to hide your feelings, baby," Dirk grinned. "What feelings?" Mia asked. "Aww, you're killin' me, babe." Mia rolled her eyes as she picked up her fork. "From the moment I saw you, I knew we were meant for each other," Dirk spoke up. "You're so beautiful. I guess the Good Lord decided to create an angel on Earth." "Thanks," said Mia. "You look okay." Dirk blushed. "Being away from you these past few days has made me realize even more how special you are," said Dirk. At that moment, he accidentally knocked over his glass of wine and it splashed all over Mia's outfit. "Oh my God, I'm sorry! Don't hate me!" "It's okay," Mia said through gritted teeth. "Don't worry about it." She began dabbing at herself with a napkin. "But, anyway," said Dirk. "I wish you were still at our house. I'm stuck with Linda, who's as much of a Heathen as ever. And even Jenna is rubbing me the wrong way. She and Jon tried to say that I was gay; Jenna even tried to get Jon to sleep with me. That's just not cool." Mia didn't say anything, so Dirk kept on speaking. "Then they all ganged up on me and said I was being 'homophobic'. I mean, I stand my by views and no one can convince me otherwise. I mean, the whole gay marriage thing is a joke. What's next? People will say it's 'okay' to marry relatives? Animals? People are twisting things around and going against God's intentions. If you read the Bible" Mia shook her head. "Dude, don't even go there with me. I am a bleeding heart Liberal all the way." "Dirk is just so awkward," Mia told the cameras. "There are certain topics that you should never bring up at dinnertime, especially on a date. Dirk and I just have absolutely nothing in common." "We can change the subject," said Dirk. "You're looking fine tonight. You look really clean. Can I sniff your hair?" Mia squinted her eyes and jerked her head. "Did that offend you?" Dirk was taken aback. "Why? Is your hair not clean? Want me to check you for lice?" "This date is over," Mia quickly got up from her seat. "WAIT!" Dirk yelled. "I have one more surprise." Mia rolled her eyes as Dirk reached into his pocket and pulled out a wooden ring. "I carved this out of a piece of firewood," he explained. "I wanted to ask if you wouldmarry me." "Dude, is that a fucking joke?" Mia snorted. "No way in hell!" Mia stormed off, leaving Dirk with a dumbfounded expression on his face. "This was my first date with Dirk, and it will also be my LAST," Mia said in the diary room. "Dirk has absolutely no idea how to treat a woman. He's just completely pathetic." "How did it go?" Tina asked when Mia walked back inside. "He asked if I wanted him to check me for lice," Mia answered. "Sometahmes guys are tryin' to say the most romantic and sweetest thing in the world, and it just comes out the wrong way. It's hard for them to express their feelin's. Give him another chance." "Dude, I don't need any more of your words of wisdom," Mia snorted. "Tonight was quite possibly the worst night of my life," Mia said in the diary room. "Dirk was just horrendous. You don't ask a girl to marry you when you're not even DATING yet. At this point, I don't care if I never see Dirk again." Mia made her way to her room. She looked out her window to see Dirk still sitting alone at the table. Rolling her eyes, she closed her blinds and slipped into bed. In a way, she felt sorry for Dirk. She hoped that he would move on and find a great girl. It just wouldn't be her. It certainly would not be her.
AwesumCrush00	Re: SurviviBrother: A Fanfic/Parody~ Episode 5 part 2 up	#29	[-]
Posts: 2373 (05/31/07 12:48 PM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	i dont really understand the voting or this fanfic at all. but i love that jon is the only man left. and the heidi/jenna switching. the fact that jenna and darrah are in the same fanfic. and i think, if you finish this, either linda, tina, or jenna lewis is going to win. i love the voting history image.
cardswin5	Re: SurviviBrother: A Fanfic/Parody~ Episode 5 part 2 up	#30	[-]
Posts: 2180 (06/04/07 10:35 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	this is pretty cool when's the next one?
survivibrother	Re: SurviviBrother: A Fanfic/Parody~ Episode 5 part 2 up	#31	[-]
Posts: 46 (06/05/07 6:12 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	I posted the last part of Episode 5 on the first page. Episode 6 should be up sometime this weekend. I've written up to Episode 7. As far as how this fanfic works, it's basically just like Big Brother with 2 competing houses/tribes. The house that loses the Immunity Challenge has to compete in an HOH competition. The HOH nominates 2 people and one of them is voted out (the HOH and nominees do not vote). I didn't include a veto competition because the episodes are already long.
cardswin5	Re: SurviviBrother: A Fanfic/Parody~ Day 16 posted	#32	[-]
Posts: 2180 (06/09/07 11:50 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Those Big Brother bitches better not get Mia sent home. Mia is good entertainment where as Jenna Lewis and Jon are just annoying. I would love for Jenna M. or Heidi to win. I was glad the twist actually worked out because that would have been worthless if it didn't.
AwesumCrush00	Re: SurviviBrother: A Fanfic/Parody~ Day 16 posted	#33	[-]
Posts: 2373 (06/12/07 1:51 AM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	linda no. =[
cardswin5	Re: SurviviBrother: A Fanfic/Parody~ Day 17 Up	#34	[-]
Posts: 2180 (06/19/07 11:45 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	bumpage more please :)
Zesty66		#35	[-]
Posts: 259 (04/22/08 12:35 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Bump because this shit is funny, interesting, captivating...PLEASE WRITE MORE!
survivibrother		#36	[-]
Posts: 45 (04/28/08 9:40 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Episode 7 is now posted on Page 1 :)
Zesty66		#37	[-]
Posts: 458 (05/16/08 6:29 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Another bump....Seriously if you haven't read this I suggest you do! It is hilarious yet hooking at the same time...very well written, great job survivibrother!

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