"Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure"
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CoconutPhone |
Re: The Colbert Report | ||
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How could I forget one of my other fave bits:
"Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure" |
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CoconutPhone |
Re: The Colbert Report | ||
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Chapter 1 - Once Again, Brave Warrior,
Forth Into the Breach I deactivated my solivisor as I stepped through the autoslide doors of the Planetary Government and Social Protection Programs building's majestic lobby, the newly transparent fluxiglass lenses giving me a clear view of the lobby's central featurea hologram of the New Geneva cityscape that couldn't help but call attention, I wryly thought to myself, to the fact that the PGSPP building was by far the tallest in the city, a result of the demolition order that was the first law passed when the new New Terran government, the Planetary Parliament, was formed by the merger of the European Regency Council and the East-West Oversight Alliance. I didn't understand the point. New Terra was working fine when it was run by three separate governments: The European Regency Council, which controlled all of New Europe, which consisted of 20th Century Europe plus the former Soviet Union, the Mediterranean countries, and India; the East-West Oversight Alliance, created when the governments of Americana (which in the 20th century was known as North America, Central America, and South America) and the Asian Protectorate (the 20th century Asia and the good parts of Africa) were united by the charismatic Vizier Thurmond Chang; and the Southern Colony, which ruled Australia, Southern Africa, and Antarctica until they were destroyed by the Planetary Parliament shortly after their merger in 2412. Under those three governments New Terra entered an era of prosperity and peace that it hadn't enjoyed since it was named Earth. But concerns over the colonization of Venus and Mars soon arose after the Solar System Expansion and Exploration Act of 2180 was passed by the United Governments. Rather than worry about potential war over territory on Venus and Mars, some of which was very rich in carbonium and gold deposits, and in particular energy rights over the Mist Fields of Venus, which thanks to technology developed at the University of Neo-Chicago in the late 22nd century could be harnessed to power the entire planet, the governments decided to form a merged oversight committee to dictate civic planning, border drawing, and mining operations. No surprise, the chairman of the VenuMartian Oversight Committee was Vizier Thurmond Chang. Of course that committee, like the merger, was a joke. Vizier Thurmond Chang had so many puppets in the Planetary Parliament that they quickly voted themselves next to powerless. After that, all it took was a few moving speeches, a trade embargo restricting the shipments of protein to New Europe, and a reworking of language in a budget bill to include a declaration giving the VenuMartian Oversight Committee additional oversightover New Terra. Very slyly done, Mr. Chang. New Terra never knew what hit them. But my job today wasn't to reflect on the history of my planet's new government. It wasn't 2412 anymore. It was 2415, and the rules had changed. Now the only rules were the Planetary Parliament's Rules. And those rules weren't so much set down by the PP themselves as they were imposed on them by Vizier Thurmond Chang, who came out of the merger the Supreme Minister and virtual dictator of all of New Terra through his ruthlessness and skill at drawing up contracts. No, my job was to report to the 34th floor of the Planetary Government and Social Protection Programs building, to the offices of the Solar System Security Force, colloquially known as the Galaxy Police. I had to go past the reception area, with its shiny chromium fixtures and holovidaudio screens explaining the layout of the building to tourists, through the busy public hallway, carefully avoiding the litter-sweeping custodimatons humming along their routes, into the restricted zone, past an ID card reader where I swiped my SSSF key card, and then past a different ID card reader, where I swiped my SSSF digital fingerprint tag, into a secure elevator, where a quick retinal scan and DNA screen activated my trip three floors up, past a cyberwire fence, which did a quick biometric scan before it opened, around a corner and through a door marked "Private: Elite Storage Only" into a storage closet where by pressing the reset button on the Fire Abatement Spray I would open the secret door into Alpha Squad Headquartersmy headquarters, run by the steely efficiency and decisive femininity of Alpha Squad Commander Joanna Valentine. When Valentine said "jump," the Squad Force asked, "in which jump boots?" Her take-no-prisoners attitude and tough-as-nails exterior was only softened by her incredibly sexy voice and body. I stepped through the secret door into Alpha Squad HQ and saw Tracy, the beautiful young Alpha Squad receptionist, sitting at her desk. She was dressed to the nines as usual in a form-fitting Lumi-silk dress that left just the right amount to the imagination. "Hi, Tracy." I declared warmly. "It's me. Tek Jansen." |
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CoconutPhone |
Re: The Colbert Report | ||
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Chapter 26 - Abraxxia's Gambit
The ethereal harmonies of the laserpipe orchestra echoed off the solid diamond walls of the Galactic Overlord's pleasure chamber. As I slowly made my way through the gyrating throng of human, plasmid, and arachnoid revelers, the arcanite sensors on my integrated detectograph started going haywire. "Just as I thought," I thought. "She's here." It was another two hundred ticks until I saw her, dancing languidly with a spice runner out of Betelgeuse VII. He was a hulking brute, with a wickedly edged macrosword slung over the back of his metaluminum armor, the kind that would have struck cold fear into the heart of a lesser man. But I was no lesser man. "Mind if I cut in?" I intoned, silencing the smuggler's enraged grumble of objection with a stealthy blast from my deliminator rifle. "What took you so long?" cooed Abraxxia, her words subtly quavering with the universal inflections of desire. Ignoring my own fierce need, I furiously scanned my surroundings for danger -- she was crafty, and I knew that the slightest mistake would prove fatal. Not just for myself, but for the entire United Alliance. Inevitably, my gaze settled back upon the smooth curves of skin that peeked out from under her transparent holodress. How many rounds of Uranian Megasex would it take before she surrendered the alloy? |
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Antithesys |
Re: The Colbert Report | ||
Quote:Thanks for following the Sucks Article Posting rules. |
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CoconutPhone |
Re: The Colbert Report | ||
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What article? These are excerpts from his fake book.
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KinksFan |
White House Correspondents' dinner on CSpan | ||
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Colbert rocked that world of corrupt politicians and hypocritical press. Hooray for him and for Helen Thomas. Best performance of the new century.
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xxEmberxx |
Re: White House Correspondents' dinner on CSpan | ||
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He took some serious jabs at Bush- he didn't look amused. Even Laura looked a little put out. You could see the press corps looked uneasy at times too. Well played, Colbert.
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Sardonically Irreverent |
Re: White House Correspondents' dinner on CSpan | ||
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puffbird |
Re: White House Correspondents' dinner on CSpan | ||
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Holy freaking Schnitt! The man is a true American Hero.
That took balls. I'd love to hear the OT conservatards' reaction to this. |
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Sardonically Irreverent |
Re: White House Correspondents' dinner on CSpan | ||
Quote: They'd just mumble something about Dan Rather and 9/11 and then change the topic. |
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Nods |
re | ||
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At first I thought... boy is he unfunny
and then I listened and couldn't stop laughing nice to see the administration doesn't get satire. |
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Caring is Creepy |
Re: re | ||
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Colbertt got the nod on 60 minutes today. Very fair and balanced article. Umm...FOX pun unintended.
Brilliant man! |
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LuvShay |
Re: re | ||
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Colbert was brilliant! He skewered the President and the Mass Media with satire so scathing you could feel the discomfort in the room. I wonder who invited him? Do they not realize his show is totally mocking them?
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xxEmberxx |
Re: re | ||
Quote: I don't know but I suspect they might be out of a job. |
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Magdalyn |
Re: re | ||
Quote:Maybe I should actually listen to him. So far I haven't been able to get past his delivery, but I'll give it another shot. |
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SantosLHalper1 |
Re: re | ||
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He is my new hero and I want to have his babies. Of course, the only thing about the dinner that mainstream press is covering is the stupid "Bush double" that got a lot of yuks. Not one mention of Colbert.
I love him so much. |
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nuclear snake |
Re: re | ||
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He is my hero now.
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CoconutPhone |
Re: re | ||
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OMG
What BALLS. |
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leeter |
Re: re | ||
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Anybody see "V" for Vandetta.
That's what went through my mind as Colbert was royally skewering Bush... Great line: "...it's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that one while you still can, glaciers won't be around when your kids grow up." It took balls. And he pulled it off. He also tore a page from the neo-con book...something to the effect: "I believe that government should be small, cheap and have little precense -- like the kind we exported to Iraq" |
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BobbyBrown06 |
Re: re | ||
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I just wanna know why both he and Clooney were invited to begin with. Surely the admin knew this could/would happen.
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