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Jericho Season 2 Finale

Attention SeeBS Suits: I respectfully decline to label this the series finale.

PREVIOUSLY ON .. JERICHO: "Looks like the explosion came from the west, maybe Denver." Farmboy grabs his sister and drags her away from the scene of Denver being incinerated, yadda yadda.

I could say something quasi-funny here, but I mean, really. We all know what previously happened on Jericho, so let's cut to the chase. For the second time in less than two years, SeeBS is cutting our respective hearts out of our chest, and hammering on them with a meat tenderizer, all while our hearts still attached to our aortae.

In the grand scheme of things, our lives will probably go on as usual. Tomorrow will see the sun rise in the east; Denver will probably not be incinerated, Atlanta phones will not buzz and crackle in a nuclear holocaust, some kid named Dale will not find a radioactive train and hold two towns hostage over a salt mine.

But that isn't the point, is it? We didn't watch Jericho because it was reality. We didn't come to love Jericho because it resembled our workaday world. We wouldn't give a rat's patootie about some nameless Kansas farmer who gave up a career in pro football, or an anonymous ex-serviceman who couldn't live up to his father's expectations of him, or some IRS employee who had a meltdown when her papers blew away.

We loved Jericho exactly because it wasn't reality, because it wasn't the workaday world we wake up to every day. We cared about Jerichoans because they were everyman and everywoman, caught up in circumstances none of us ever want to get caught up in. And therein lies the story, the attraction and our interest. How would any of us handle the aftermath of a nuclear attack? When every one of our cities was either hit or driven into chaos and lawlessness? Would that we never have occasion to know. But as a premise to a story? Eight million of us were enthralled to the degree that we stayed up late every Tuesday, and partook in the lives of those who experienced a fictional apocalypse in lieu of us. But enough pontificating; back to our story.

The Morse Code for the finale was the entire, unabridged Francis Scott Key poem entitled, The Star Spangled Banner. Or something like that.

Incredibly, Hawkins and Jake escaped a total lockdown by the upbraided Major Becerra and his armed troops, and set sail for Cheyenne. Of course, we know without asking that they avoided every possible checkpoint along the way. No problem; we've been suspending disbelief since a mushroom cloud appeared over the horizon in Season 1. Jericho means never having to say "unbelievable."

As the finale opens, we see the Old Mare Gray, attending the Contipational Convention in Cheyenne. Gray has an epiphany in an elevator. Yes, the NRA would tell you that the rights prescribed under the Bill of Rights are only as good as the gubmit that takes it away from you by doing away with the Second Amendment. Props to the show for taking that decidedly unliberal position in the Season 2 Finale. The view of the bloated, 1,000,000 population capital city of Cheyenne (was I the only one who thought it looked like DC?) ends when Jake, after giving the old Mare an embolism, convinces him that the townies need him back home.

Major Becerra is now presiding over a town deemed guilty of insurrection. Interesting premise, but not enough season left to develop the potential of this chilling concept. With Farmboy still in hiding, Major Blubberbutt mused about how much safer it is to be in a Verizon commercial than being caught in the town square after curfew. Becerra outed Tomboy Teacher as the Mole. Was I the only one who wanted them to rip their clothes off and do the do right there in his office? I doubt it; their tension was palpable all season. Another storyline we could explore if only we had another season.

Soon thereafter, we (finally) find out who Chung is. Unfortunately for Chung, he's a redshirt. When he and Hawkins decide to storm-troop the armed convoy (only one vehicle? and that one vehicle, an ambulance?!), he gets killed. He probably deserved it, for holding the damn gun while Hawkins was getting his ass kicked by goons. Dr. Smith calls Hawkins a bubbleheaded booby, and proceeds to shoot him. Twice! Oh, the pain, indeed. True to character, Jake disregards his instructions to wait outside, and rescues the bleeding Hawkins from the jaws of death. They take the ambulance and the nuke, and head for parts unknown.

While all the craziness is going on unabated in Cheyenne, Major Becerra opens the super-sturdy ruggedized laptop and examines Hawkins' files. Thank heaven they weren't encrypted, because Becerra finally realized there were more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than were dreamt of in his military philosophy.

Back in Cheyenne, the weakened Hawkins and his driver Jake follow a GPS signal to an undisclosed location. But how disclosed could it really be, with Hawkins singing ...

When I die, I may not go to heaven
I don't know if they let undercover FBI/CIA/NSA agents in.
If they don't, just let me go to Texas
'Cause Texas is as close as I've been.

My poor neighbors. When I saw the "Embassy of the Independent Republic of Texas" sign, I let out a shriek and clapped as if I had just won the NCAA basketball brackets. First the shriek I let out when Farmboy killed Honcho, and now this. If this show wasn't already cancelled, they'd probably prevail on SeeBS to move it to an earlier hour. Suffice it to say, Chavez did his job (and see there? I all but pronounced him dead in a previous recrap) and cleared the way for Texas to save the day. A nurse patches up Hawkins, and the Embassy arranges for flyboy Jake to fly the nuke to Texas by jet.

The ubereeeeeeeeeevil New Gulag Mayor Constantino resurfaced, albeit briefly. A couple of us posters thought he was announced (not "pronounced") dead a few weeks ago. But little matter; Constantino's storyline ended when nobody wanted to play "snipe the Americans, one at a time" for the next decade or so. If we are given a Season 3, we may get the chance to watch Philanderer exact his revenge on Constantino, relieving the latter of one tooth, one digit at a time, until he can be used for second base in the next Little League World Series.

Our show never failed us in one regard: We always got a heartfelt moment. This finale gave us two. First, the Old Mare Gray returns from Cheyenne, and finds himself in the windswept scene of a cordoned off downtown. He identifies himself to the troops and we share his "WTF" moment. Then, the finale's biggest heartfelt moment comes when Revernooer Lady convinced Becerra's troops to let Farmboy bury his sister. Must have been those rebate checks made 'em feel like giving the townies a break, because I've never seen a soldier take orders from an IRS employee. When Becerra arrives, we don't know if he's gonna kick ass, but he crosses himself and pays his respects. In so doing, he tacitly tells Farmboy he won't be held accountable for the unceremonious offing of Honcho. But what really gets our heartstrings all entangled is when he says he's had it with the Cheyenne gubmit, and is willing to face charges of treason if need be. Wow. Just .. wow.

Flyboy Jake is given keys to a plane, and told to head south. Since it isn't just for winter, he drags Hawkins along, kicking and screaming. But there's only so much kicking and screaming you can do when you've been shot twice and you're bleeding to death. Unfortunately, the Cheyenne Air Force is about to blow them to smithereens. Jake can see Texas on the radar (well, not really, but you know what I mean), but the ASA bogies are going hot. Just when we wonder if Jake is doomed, the Texas Air Force arrives. And in the nick of time, the ASA bogies are gone. Poof! Jake is escorted to Lackland AFB in the new capital of Texas, San Antonio. I have no idea why they didn't just use Austin, since it already has all the state capital buildings and a few federal buildings to boot. They could even recommission Bergstrom.

As the plane receives clearance to land in San Antonio, one scene fades into another. An 11-year-old boy awakens in a hospital bed. He slowly looks around, and things start to come into focus. His mom is there. So are his young friends, Jake and Heather, who look concerned. Robert (that's his name, you know) looks at his Mom and says, "I just had the weirdest dream! I thought I'd never get back to you!" Robert points to Jake and says, "You were there!" Then he looks at Heather and adds, "You too!" Robert's Mom looks at Jake's Mom and says, "Kids have some serious imagination, don't they?" Mom looks back and says, "I don't know, Darcy, he looks pretty shaken up, like he's seen the end of the world or something." Ignored in the celebration of little Robert's recovery, a television reporter blathers about the unanticipated election of John Tomarchio as the new junior Senator from Wyoming.

Aw, shucks. Guess I forgot that SeeBS chose the alternate ending. In their ending, the show was cancelled. No one lived happily ever after. No storylines were wrapped. No amount of peanuts will avert cancellation. Deputy Blubberbutt can text his Verizon buddies and eat fiber cereal to his heart's content, and Hawkins will no doubt find solace again in Shakespeare.

We have been brought to the end of a season, but not the end of a series. We hope for a cable network to pick up the show. That may happen, or it may not.

Regardless of whether there is a Season 3, the good people of Jericho will live on in our hearts, as we carry them with us in our workaday world. We will remember them, because they are timeless. We will remember them, because they are America. We will remember them, because they are us.