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So we are left with "16 goregous women" - according to Bret. I'm thinking that gorgeous to him means implanted, bleached and a really rough in the face. And let's be real, there are 15 chicks and one man in the house. Magdalena's a MAN, baby.

So Erin is stupid enough to tell the skanks about her life and how she was engaged and blah blah. I don't know if Heather chose to not hear that in the past tense, but whatever. She calls Erin's basketball boobs "circus boobs" and I chuckle.

The girls wake up to start partying like "rock stars." What is it, like 10 am? Bret plays bad music with them and the stripper pole takes a severe beating. Girls kissing on the bar? Brandi C., is that you? I thought that you were a lady.

For these five minutes, I'm missing Flavor of Love. I'm embarrassed to be a blonde haired white chick right about now.

The house has been pitted as "Slutty Girls vs. B1tchy Girls" - I'm on Team B1tch. I'm also on Team Jessica - she's like the only pretty girl in that house.

Lacey's annoying and all like "those girls have sticks up their a$$es" - because they won't make out with you? Because they don't know how to upside down work a pole?

Challenge: Phone sex? Bret's bare head? I anticipate Tiffany needing lots o' drinks for this.

Big John is a big for me. Who's gonna give him a BJ? And besides Tiffany, who already has?

And who still has phone sex? Dude, you're in Poison - you can totally afford a web cam.

DRINK UP, Tiffany.

Bret looks like a tranny in his leopard PJs and bare head. And Dr. Roy was probably a roadie for Poison's 1988 tour.

I'm thinking that the big sluts in the house should pretty much have this down. But what's up with the wind in my sail BS? Tamara is awesome at non phone sex phone sex. I am more stimulating in my job interviews. I can't believe that they have to do this in front of each other. Tiffany is my favorite - slurring and wasted. Awesome. Magdalena's 976 Tranny is not working it at all.

But most kick a$$ was Rodeo. Because she was the only one who freaking gave him phone sex.

So Erin Circus T1ts who talked like Jude Law's nanny, Rodeo and Lacey win a date. The big sluts didn't represent well.

Brandi C. used the phrase Circus T1ts and it's confirmed that the A-Team shares their cumulative 9 brain cells. Erin busts out with the 'meth-scratched' face and BC cries. Wait - you're not a meth addict? BC goes to Bret's room to cry but she's so distraught that she can't be bothered to put pants on.

Next day, BC reads Bret's letter. I can't believe that she can read.

Date: Recording studio. Don Was. Bar in the studio. I like this. Better than the Flav dates. Lacey wants to replace Bobby Doll in Poison. Rodeo is the horniest. thing. ever. Erin's a studio virgin. So she fakes an 0rgasm for her recording. You know those circus breasts are not virgin(s) - the skin is way too nice.

So back at the house: Tiffany's nervous. So she's drinking. Awesome. But I fear that she's going home because she just plain didn't drink enough. Or curse at anyone. Or beat the pole with her withered drunk vag.

Heather/Lacey say "Erin's not here for Bret "- wait, so which one of you IS there for Bret?

Heather tells on Circus Tits Erin because when you're a dumb skank, you can't tell the difference between past and present tense. Was engaged clearly means is engaged.

[Bret looks way younger and manlier with the bandana. I'm glad that he's got it back on.]

Circus Tits versus Heather - I hope that Big John brings out a pool of jello and that they wrestle. Because when you've got Circus Tits, you should jello wrestle.

How many times is the word connection used in this show? I think that we're up to 459. And it's episode TWO.

Eliminations: Some girls who aren't memorable leave. Tamara leaves. I liked her because she's dumb. Goodbye, Tiffany.

But yeah, Circus T1ts is staying because Bret wants to moisturize them and I can't believe that I'm watching this. This is a new low in my television watching life. I'll be back next week.

Early prediction: Lacey and Jessica for the final. What do you think?