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13. Survivor: Borneo

The Original season of Survivor and it's obviously a classic.

The first tribal council I ever watched was when Kelly Wigglesworth backstabbed Sue Hawk and voted her out. I was 11 and clueless as hell, but I remember being glued to the tv screen. I didn't actually see Richard Hatch win like 50 million other people did, because I assumed after Sue's boot the show was over and turned it to Scooby Doo. I later discovered the show in the summer. I began watching daily because CBS was showing one episode each night. Of course, I knew what was going to happen but I still rooted for Gervase because he made me lol by calling women cows and for like weeks after I referred to every woman who pissed me off as a cow. <3

Anywho, I bought the first season when it came out on DVD and to this day, I can rewatch this season and still enjoy it. It's really different from other seasons basically being a documentary so yeah even the biggest Survivor fan could not like this one but I do.

Other Highlights from this season include: BB vs. Joel, Rudy being old and clueless, Gretchen's wtf elimination where she so classically states "it's me!", Gervase invents the "black people don't swim" stereotype but still beats Kelly's ass who is like a river guide, Sean's ABC voting order, Sue Hawk turns on the women and backstabs Stacey, Rudy explaining the only reason he would bring a bible on the island, Rudy/Hatch relationship, Hatch being cocky, Sue's bitter jury speech about rats and snakes, Alliances (aka Evil) beats playing the game with Morals (aka Good) and Greg's fake crying which is made funnier by Rudy's "I thought it was real" comment….not bad to be the first.

The Stars of All Stars

#11. Survivor: Tocantins

This season actually had quite an advantage over the others because I of course just watched it and all the highlights are fresh on the brain.

K, the season started off pretty predictable. We all knew with 16 people that Sandy/Sierra would not be getting voted out as CBS millions of promos suggested but something lame would happen instead like them switching teams or something to that effect and of course the promos over hyping the whole situation would annoy the crap out of me because CBS always plays them during the other shows I watch. Anyway this twist turned out to be twice as lame as I could have ever imagined with the person who got voted out getting to ride in a helicopter. Both tribes voted out the most unattractive: Sierra who was making her miserable face and Sandy who was old. K so Sandy made it lolworthy with her whole "I'm pissed" comments and then celebrating not having to go on the long ass hike. Probst of course got pissy with her and stole us from seeing more of her epic celebration. I hope he burns in hell. Some chick who apparently talked a lot and had a spunky personality was voted out first and they had the nerve to show Candace only once and that was just a reaction to seeing Tyson's goober. I did just call it a goober. <3 Tyson delivered some hilar confessionals and 20 minutes was devoted to a possible Sandy spinoff rumored to be titled "Pace", but otherwise this episode sucked.

Episode 2 is when things really started to pick up. Candace was featured heavily and feuded with Coach. A giant hole was dug, I forget why but the lie Sierra came up with that Debbie actually believed was something about a firepit. Once again Candace stole the scene and expressed that it was stupid and she would not attend.lol THAT IS MY GIRL! Episode 2 introduced us to the strongest power couple since Romber, JT and Stephen and this is where the love fo JT began. JT! <3

K so Episode 3 through 5 all bored me. Jerry quit after saying he wouldn't and Sandy annoyed the shit out of everyone thus getting voted out but not before she put the moves on Spencer who was barely legal btw. An Exile Island formed, yawn! JT lost a tooth and yelled at Spencer. JT <3 Tyson discovered Brendan's Exile Island alliance and JT lead the charge to get Spencer booted. Alulz! WE LUV YOU JT! Oh and Taj ironically got hot while in the water! Lulz! Hot = Fire= water!

Omfg I remember Episode 6 and it was flawless. Taj who apparently had found an idol which would later disappear and never be referenced to again, gave it to Stephen who told our Hero JT. Taj/Steven/JT then began to form something I like to call tajteven and were a very <3 worthy alliance. I remember JT discussed possibly voting Taj out here and it showed how genius he was because he DID know about the exile alliance! Stephen kept no secrets from him or this could entirely be fictional, eh don't care. JT then hilariously lost the challenge for his tribe, but unlike Spencer was not lame enough to get voted out because of it BECAUSE JT is a loveable, flawless hero! If this was the Renaissance Period he would be a Knight lulz! Sydney was voted out and I was livid…she looked like Candice Woodcock who looked like Kristen Bell who played in Veronica Mars with Elliot from Just Shoot Me which also starred David Spade who played in Tommy Boy with Chris Farley who appeared in Billy Madison with Adam Sadler who starred alongside Jack Nicholson in Anger Management who played with Morgan Freeman in The Bucket List. That my friend is how Sydney is connected to Morgan Freeman! <3

Merge rolled around and Taj wisely commented that anything that begins with F makes her excited! This exposes Taj as a gun crazy nut….FIREARMS! Anyways Tyson and Coach got worried Brendan would be too big of a threat and plotted to get rid of them. JT used his charm and social skills to make Coach and Debbie fall in love while Tyson had a hilarious wtf look on his face. Brendan was jealous though and not yet under JT's control, but in due time. By the next episode, JT had brainwashed Brendan into giving up a million bucks. What people assume is that this meant just in the game, but um if you think that you seriously do not get how strong JT is at mind control. Coach told a stupid omfg totally real story that the producers did not feed him about being lost in the jungle and Brendan got voted out in a shocking blindside. Blah, Blah, Blah Sierra was featured too much on the next episode for me to care to remember. Tyson delivered a hilarious Sierra sucks tribal council and was tragically blindsided. It was just because they knew Tyson has Brendan's vote after admitting to loving JT. Anywho, Sierra and Debbie embarked in a war to see who the bigger dumbass was and Debbie won. She later cried and declared she was too old for this. Both tards got voted out and we were treated too some much needed JT AND STEPHEN ARE AWESOME! AMERICA LOVE JT AND THINKS STEPHEN'S LIFESTYLE IS OKAY with a special guest appearance from Eddie George. I flashed back to where Scooby Doo meet Batman during the exile island minisode also a failed spinoff but Taj's reaction was so funny to getting her video and seeing Eddie George. What you didn't see was Probst's reaction was 10 times more omfg worthy.

The final 5 episode aka Coach's boot episode was quite possibly the best of the season. If I remember right JT and Stephen got to spend a night together alone (excluding the camera crew) in just bathrobes. Coach was actually entertaining and really this episode is just so flawless but then I watched The Office where I witness Steve Carell do a better Michael Scott….omg I wonder why? Otherwise, Coach actually entertained me this episode with the whole Exile Island thing.

All in all, I have only watched this season once compared to like 50 times (minus Gabon/Cook Islands) but I think this is a fair spot to be a season I kind of forget existed while ranking. Other Highlights I didn't mention: Erinn (sorry I forgot here but she brought a lot to this season), Coach's impression of Erinn, more JT's awesomeness, more Tyson awesomeness, Sandy riding Erinn like a horse but did it so it could be shown on tv and the best recap ever.

Note to casting: Taj and Brendan…seriously if you cast really rich people make sure they are greedy or they will roll over at merge and be happy with a spot on the jury, Sierra/Debbie were horrid casting choices and Candace got voted out too early…um rig it to keep the hot girls who give me boners in. k thanks? Thanks!

Congrats to James "JT" Thomas Jr. for winning a 7-0 vote after playing a flawless game in which he got no votes against him. lulz I just remembered the Dragon Slayer bit.

Oh and some extra named Joe was smashed by a large object? I think a tree and was removed. I forgot exactly when but no one including Joe really cared.