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The fact that they still manufacture and sell fans which do not oscillate.

When my bowel movement schedule suddenly changes without warning. Night poops -- just ridiculous.

Baby birds that fall from the nest and explode on the driveway. You just can't hose them away. You have to pick them up and then what? They don't deserve a proper burial and yet the garbage can just seems so fucking rude.

Lampshades. Very few stimulate me. Most depress me. But naked bulbs are completely unacceptable as well so I'm really at a loss for what to do.

Conversation threads.

Lighting the wrong end of a cigarette.

Waking up from the dream I have where I'm the last person on Earth and I get to spend all my time wandering around taking anything I want from anywhere I want. (For some reason, the electricity is still working so I have plenty of toys.)

Canadian currency. Just breaks my heart. Really.

Every time someone mentions the wolf or the pixel as if it's some sort of big deal. That's a level of loneliness I will never allow myself to reach. I'd take a cyanide capsule first.

Ironing.

Radiation exposure. Ruins my day, every single time.

Foodies. I WANT to HATE them but instead I just hang my head and cry a little.

Bea Arthur's vagina. It uses to be funny, but not anymore.

Animal by-products.

Individuals who use more than seven basic emoticons in email or chat. Keep it at seven or less, please.

Chemical burns, especially the ones that expose underlying muscle tissue and bone.

Occasional weak stream.

Reader's Digest and The Saturday Evening Post. I mean... come on!

Things on TV that remind me of things in life I'd rather forget.

People who talk about "that cool commercial."

The fact that Phillips/Magnavox can't make up its mind. Ditto for Hellman's/Best Foods.

Full sunshine and sparkling blue skies when the temperature is below 75 degrees outside. Just stick with cloudy and don't tease me.

Blue rat poison pellets. That's brilliant. Make it look like candy.

The finger-sweat-dirt-crud that accumulates on your keyboard.

Feeling obligated to send error message reports to Microsoft.

This chick outside my window RIGHT now who is wearing a vibrant fuchsia jogging suit.

Some mutations, but not all.