I figured out what Coach's major malfunction is:
Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, Neurotheology and Paranormal Experience
Geshwind Syndrome
It all fits. He doesn't get laid because he doesn't want to, and he talks to God while kayaking down 30-foot waves. Add the prodigious musical ability, and we've got a diagnosis. If he would just take his meds like any good epileptic should, the world would be spared the megalomaniacal douchebag that we know as Coach.








