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19 - David (CLD: 21st; ADC: 15th) [#9, 1.0, 9th Place]

"I'm in this pod, just one lone gay Jew"

The first reality star to ever appear in my Sucks avatar!

Due to bias towards neurotic intellectuals, he was my immediate favourite - even though I went for a period of mistakenly calling him Richard, because I was accidentally remembering his boyfriend's name (since they both ended up on screen for about the same amount of time. And he looks totally like a Richard).

Of all the contestants, he had the most COLORFUL banter with himself, including my favourite random Ep 1 moment: "And now back to number nine in the studio. Thank you number nine. And back to you number nine. Thank you number nine. And now back to number nine. Thank you number nine...It's great, I can keep myself entertained all day."

For the MENSA member to be eliminated in a purely mental challenge was obviously pretty amusing and proof of the brilliance of the first treatment (especially compared to "run around your pod" being unsurprisingly lost by the least athletic team).

Like Avi/Joe in TAR6, even if you didn't find him funny, he was totally different from all the other contestants, so a depressing first boot - and in a 3.0. style cast of Ceon/Andrews, it would have been a devastating loss. In 1.0. there was enough all-round awesomeness that the show kept on ticking.

18 - Jennifer K (CLD: 16th; ADC: 16th) [#1, 3.0., 8th Place]


+ = BEST SOLITARY CONTESTANT EVER?

With Kelly as my favourite female TAR contestant and Angie Everhart my favourite female Mole contestant, an alpha-female redheaded model would surely be pure greatness, no? (and not for "arousal" reasons, contrary to RobRob's slander).

Easily the strongest second-pod-out, her yoga skillz helped her conquer the stool-samples and she came in second in the test that could have saved her from going home (one Ceon's many crimes against entertainment was beating her at it) and if it weren't for a foolish finger-clipping decision, she might have outlasted Katie and become the token female third-placer.

In an alternate reality, maybe Jaime gets eliminated in Switzerland and Jennifer K wins Solitary and has my undying love, but we can only work with what we're given - someone who would've been great in the long-haul but ended up as a very likeable footnote.

I don't think I would ever become enough of a fan to purchase a Signature Body Pillow, though:


(and you can buy her boxing gloves for only $200!)

PS: I haven't figured out if VAL's joke that the final treatment would be to jack off to her Playboy pictures is really demeaning or really funny.

17 - Tyler (CLD: 25th; ADC: 6th) [#7, 2.0., 2nd Place]


"Son of a biscuit!!"
"This is my home and I will defend my home"
"Some of my nicknames on the boat were Rhino Nuts, Elephant Sack, Super Large T-Bag, T-Minus...things like that"

Had I but known Tyler had run over CLD's cat or somethin' to cause this irrational hatred, I would have ranked him 3rd, but I wrongly assumed everyone loved him.

While he was probably the most low-key of the Final 4 contestants, he was combination of everything that's I love in a non-trainwreck reality TV personality. He was quotable and smart without coming across like he was trying too hard; he threw himself into the game, without jealousy or bitterness and he was always willing to express was on his mind. Admittedly, maybe knowing about his testicles is a bit too far, but I'd much prefer that to a reserved Andrew-type.

Not only was he likeable and engaging character, like all the second-placers, he basically carried the storyline of his season: in the first half with his light-hearted feud with #9 and the second half was his epic transformation from "lamb to tiger".

His only negatives were the terrible stomach tattoo and his failure to beat the consistently irritating Phu from winning. A contestant that proves not all hippies are self-righteous; not all alpha-males are vapid and that not all environmentally-conscious entrepreneurs make boring TV. Officially the most robbed person on this list - I hope one day to have a ranking that gives a deservedly high placing.

16. Cliff (CLD: 24th; ADC: 3rd) [#6, 1.0., 6th Place]


"I hate watching those people on TV and saying 'you know I could do better than that person', 'I hate that guy"...I don't want to be that person'"
"Just because I understand the rules doesn't mean I agree to them"

CLD's man-hating continues!

Tyler and Cliff did share a lot in common: they were both very expressive, strong guys who came on the show with a very unique focused approach to winning. But while Tyler was an incredibly relatable guy-next-door, Cliff was one of the biggest cartoon characters in the history of show. His bravado and banter with VAL was a highlight of the early episodes (and a big reason I miss the computer-voice so much). And ultimately, I still liked him - unlike most reality shows, you can be as loud and as obnoxious as you want without annoying anyone else. If anything his hyperactivity just made it easier to see what made him tick.

Ultimately, the reason I ranked him so highly is that it forced the show it forced the show to focus on the psychological side of the show that's been replaced with solely physical/pain-tolerating torture in 3. Though he was a quitter (but technically almost everyone on the show is), unlike Kim he didn't leave for sentimental reasons like missing his family - he left because the game wasn't what he hoped it would be (you could argue Osten left Pearl Islands for the same reason, but Osten had repeatedly embarassed himself already while Cliff was a powerhouse). He felt that as long as you had the will to continue, it shouldn't count as a quit - and from this fairly reasonable standpoint he spiralled into paranoia about the status of his beauty products.

At the time I hated Cliff's exit because it deprived us of a cool treatment (and I still want to know how they'd settle a tie in the noise treatment because I don't see anyone quitting) but after two seasons with 3+ games per show, his quit stands out as one of the greatest episodes ever.

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