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The Holy Shea Bible



Chapter 2: And the Sinners Will Burn in the Fires of Hell

The priest clears out a thick spider-web outside the cathedral with his broom.

"I thought God loved all creatures?" says Maggie, the wedding planner.

"Well just because he loves them doesn't mean he won't smack them from time to time," says the priest. "Besides, we don't want spiders jumping down on the bride and groom do we?"

The priest is aware that even a divine, reverent being like God must intervene with violence "from time to time" to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Maggie gives him a bag, and instructs him to take photos of the houseguests on the steps wearing either a top hat or bridal gown.

This is a mockery of the religious station of marriage. Groups of people quickly changing clothes and gowns, hand-to-hand, with no reverence for the seriousness of marriage.

The Henry-Trish marriage, in itself, is a mockery, a mockery of Shea's marriage. Sure, the top hat and bridal groom have changed hands, but there's no dignity, seriousness or piety. And the fact that this deaf priest would even entertain such a ceremony and take pictures is a cruel joke.

The priest, stepping into a trap, is hung up like a black spider, squirming mid-air. He calls out for help, but the priest's earlier motivation and commentary on the acts of divine power come back to haunt him.

"Well just because [s]he loves them doesn't mean [s]he won't smack them from time to time," said the priest. Shea is divine, is graceful, and is acting in God's name, but that doesn't mean she won't act violently from time to time to expedite His master plan.

"Besides, we don't want spiders jumping down on the bride and groom do we?" And we don't want interloping priests jumping down either. Smack, the priest's head is cut off.



Kelly has committed the ultimate sin in the past- attempted suicide, the destruction of the life God gave her. And to add to her moral crimes, she has sex outside of marriage with JD. Her actions call for swift judgment and divine intervention.

In the very next scene, Shea has hung Kelly's body up in a noose, an image of suicide.

On closer inspection, Kelly's eyes have been dyed red, a negative comment on her defilement of her own body, and also a comment on the last thing Kelly ever saw- Shea in a red bandana as a member of the red scavenger hunt team. Kelly had seen too much, and it would cost her her life, something she was only too glad to give away.



Lucy is a vain, rich socialite with a twisted perspective on the relationship between man and animal.

At the barbeque, the socialite is given the option to either search for her tiny dog or to search for Cal, an actual human being. Lucy's decision to go after the dog demonstrates how conceited and self-centered she is, and how she holds the welfare of animals over the welfare of man.

God is clear when he says man has dominion over animals. So, then, why is Lucy carrying around her dog as an equal and feeding him human food?

"Eating ain't cheating," Lucy says in episode 1, as she feeds Gigi. Maybe, but it isn't in God's plan.

Lucy goes even further, telling Nikki, the bartender, that "Gigi is people too." No. Gigi is not people.

If man and animal are truly equal or if animal is above man, then Lucy won't mind falling into an animal trap. And if Lucy is willing to join the others at the barbeque, then she must also be willing to barbeque herself. Because man and animal are equal, right?

Shea has reached yet another moral judgment. Lucy's sentence is poetic justice.