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Brittany was amazing. She had the personality, the walk, the photos... I'm still befuddled as to why they kicked her off.

And OMG Ruben is coming out with a CD in liek April omG!!11!! We'll have to all go buy it and see if he can sell 30 copies this time.

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#82: Dick Donato
Big Brother (Season 8)

This pretentious bastard makes me want to go out and shoot up a tattoo parlor. Dick Donato is such a big asswipe... thinking about him winning BB8 still makes my blood boil a little bit even to this day.

BB8 set out to try and be one of BB's twistiest seasons (). First off, Eric was "America's Player;" his eviction votes and miscellaneous actions were controlled solely by America's votes; since it's a live show, this works in concept, but because the great majority of the people who vote in this shit don't watch the live feeds, the edit completely determined how America would vote.
The second beginning twist was that there were three "enemy couples" in the house. Two ex-boyfriends who kinda semi-hated each other, two girls who were bff's in highschool but one stole $5 (yes, five dollars) from the other one so then they didn't like one another, and an "estranged" father and daughter: Dick and Daniele Donato.

Dick came into the house with immunity for the first week; he and his daughter, who weren't really estranged, pretty much made up in the first week and were a two-part alliance for the rest of the show. He used Daniele's frequent POV wins and Grodner's golden edit to avoid elimination time after time. The edited show squeezed all the mileage it could about Dick and Daniele making good, taking heartfelt scenes and playing them weeks later to drum up viewer sympathy and use America's Player to keep Grodner's rating couple safe.
Oh, there was also a big debatable issue about him burning another Houseguest with a cigarette, but we'll let that one slide.

Anyhow, his win was completely tainted, and when Grodner put both him and Daniele in the F2 seats, the jury ended up voting for him, even though he repeatedly fucked him game over and was saved only thanks to ridiculous twists. Put Dick in any other season, without a set alliance-partner and without Grodner and America's support, and he'd have been gone early.
DICK SUCKS


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#81: Bobby
A Shot at Love (Season 1)
(NOTE: Bobby is the one trying to summon a hard-on in the above picture. Also, recognize how terrifying Tila is!)

Tila Tequila's bisexual dating show had a pretty great first season. There were EPIC fights, crazy mothafuckas, Italian smooth-talkers, lesbians-gone-straight, UBER HAWT Steven (or whoever the Top 6 guy was), giantesses, butch women, champagne bottle jacuzzis... it was pretty damn entertaining, actually.

By the time it got the end, we were left with two girls and two guys (OMG ferreal???): butterface rapist Ryan; giant blowup doll Amanda, who had the sweetest family segment ever; manly firefighter Dani, the love-wary lesbian with a heart of gold; and Bobby, some non-descript dude.

Anyway, Bobby somehow won and capped off a season of EPIC with a big fat YAWN. After he was dumped by Tila, he was even boring about that: "Tila didn't ever call me." I think he was trying to be sad about it, but someone with a personality less interesting than a pinenut doesn't inspire sympathy in anyone.

I tried to find a good quality video of Brandi/Vanessa's fight, but this was all I got...

I don't know how to embed!

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#80: Hoopz
I Love Money (Season 1)

Much like Bobby and A Shot at Love, ILM was a fantastic season with lots of EPIC, nearly overshadowed by the most boring winner ever.

Pretty much everyone in the world was bored by Hoopz's winning over the lovely Ms. New York in Flavor of Love 1, so it was a surprise that the Queen of the Yawn was brought back to play alongside such personalities as Pumkin, Rodeo, Heather, and The Entertainer on ILM. I mean, SERIOUSLY??? You couldn't find anyone more entertaining than fucking Hoopz???

Because of her big scary man muscles and being the pootang to the Stallionaires Queer Alliance, Hoopz glided through the competition without a single hiccup and picked up a $250K check simply because she was such a non-entity. Seriously. While everyone imploded around her, backstabbing and crying and shoving and kissing dogs, Hoopz let midgets with weaves propose to her and did FUCKING nothing.

ILM was a dramatic, beautiful season of television, and Hoopz nearly ruined it by winning the whole shebang. Let's hope someone wins ILM2 who isn't so good at curing insomnia.

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