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I was pretty sure they do a "to be continued" episode once every season.

Like the Seinfeld joke, you could tell it was coming from twenty minutes away so at least I was prepared.

This was a fast-forward compendium episode: I was always zap Rocco (hate his motherfucking guts), I zap Dr. H. (can't look at his gourd-shaped skull), I zap letters from home (pathos be damned, I have zero empathy left in me these days), I zap female crying fits and emotional or psychological displays (suck it up or go home, Laura -- you cow).

So it was at least nice to have ALL these things in one episode.

Which one of the fat sisters has all the kids? I don't care to even know their names... OK, so she started out with two monsters and had to go to the food banks to feed them. Then she went and had THREE more? I think the scenario, based on what I could bare to assemble, is that she was a single mom, bringing two kids into the world that she couldn't care for, then she found a man to support her and had three additional rug rats. Is that about right? Fuck it: any variation on that is just disgusting. STOP MATING if you can't feed your kids! Guess hubby had enough cash to fatten up the missus, though -- she sure got big. ZERO respect for her.

And why the motherfuck are they giving FREE GROCERIES TO FATTIES?

Yes, you have to eat or else you die but come on... the gym equipment and lifetime memberships to 24 Hour Fitness, I can understand that. But they've given away free groceries a few times now. That's like giving an alcoholic his own bar. Do you think even for a minute that these lardos are NOT going to toss a few bags of cookies in their shopping cart when there's no cameras around?

Jillian, if outing Laura as the weakest member of the team was "by far" the meanest thing you've ever done, you need to step it up. This is what I want to hear from you, Jillian: "You are FAT! You're a disgrace! Just look at what you've done to yourself! You used to a MODEL! A MODEL! And now you're a slab of butter! Are you as disgusted with your life as I am just looking at you? Tens of thousands of fat-asses wanted to get on this show and you stand there and whine and cry and give up and drag down this entire team and make me look bad! Well, fuck you! Get those fucking thunder-thighs pumping or just pack your fucking bags and pay for the extra seat you'll need to take a plane back home!"

THAT is what makes for good TV.

Bob, of course, would suggest meditation.

Tara looks amazing. Hard to even recognize her from the "first day at the ranch" weigh-in flashback. She and Sione had best make the final three.

Filipe, end it with the hooting and whooing and fist-pumping. You're a fucking jack-ass and your bulging bug-eyes are starting to creep me out.

I went with the Stouffer's frozen lasagna -- it would have been just too much effort to turn the oven on for the fish and onion rings. Besides, the fish needs to bake at 425 and the rings at only 400 so I didn't know how to work through that dilemma.