Rod Serling: For the second time (which we'll keep doing as long as Apprentice doesn't get cancelled) you're traveling through another dimension -- a dimension of Jeff Probst, The Donald and Carolyn and George 
Bill:"Hey, what about me, I'm on there also!"
(Uh, yeah okay you Boardroom Bobblehead)
It's a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of two Mark Burnett shows BUT AT LEAST NOT ON THE SAME NIGHT (nice move last season bonehead) A Burnett Zone if you will........ But for purposes of easy pictures (and no time for photochopping)....that's a signpost up ahead: your next stop......
MB: Isnt this yet again fantastic, Donald? I've added more DRAMA to your boardroom and luckily you weren't cancelled! "So I am even richer! Not too mention, I've been "touched by an angel
"Why yes Mark, it is FABULOUS but not as FABULOUS as who is touching me"
DT: On MY night, (thank the dollars above I'm not sharing it with that non FABULOUS show Survivor) we have two FASCINATING challenges that come down to the TWO IN ONE MILLION CANDIDATES (not really but ratings went down and we have to sell this)
The lovely Jennifer
WHOOPS, SORRY WRONG SHOT
"I'm going to kick Kelly's butt
and Kelly
"Jen sucks. I have spoken this and thus it must be true but I better check my spreadsheet first"
Now, are you two ready with your teams?
Jen: "Yes, sir, ready sir, yes sir!
Oma: Yes, I AM ready!!l"
"Again, Omarosa!! I'm constantly firing you when you don't even have a job"
Kelly: "I'm ready Sir, I have a vision
Carolyn: "Yes, you do (purrrr) (come on, we know she is a raving nyph)
DT: With your teams already assembled......
DT: Kelly, I am counting on you since on paper, you are everything we need and Jen I am really praying for you because a woman is required to win this year so don't screw up!
Caroline: Frankly, screw up. This organization is not big enough for two blonde ice queens DT: Jen you are going to have to actually sweat and host a basketball fund raiser and Wes, you are going to actually step away from your laptop and host a polo event.
Kelly: "Uh, what was that Mr. Trump - I was busy on my laptop?
JP: You done, Donald? (Freaking rich, hairpieced man. I got him to stay away from tonight but damn if he ain't trying to bogart the attention with his lame ass, failing ratings show.)
"You again!!, I thought I fired you!!
JP: Nice try CHUMP, I MEAN TRUMP. My show is better than your show, nanny nanny poo poo
"Ah perhaps but at least I don't NEED a show to score some tail"
(Yack, yack, yack, yack, yack)
DT: Jeff do we REALLLLLLLLLLY need to go head to head. I have hotels around the world, FABULOUS enterprises on the horizone and you, you just have this measley show and your Survivor of the Season you like to do nooky with
(Yack, yack, yack, yack, yack)
JP: "Back to us, after all OUR show is on tonight, yours isn't until Thursday and yet you still manage to try and bogart my time. Anyway, we have the final four!
JP: "The challenge a big paper mache volcano (like we didn't have ENOUGH of volcanos this season)
But wait, that isn't all!! In the spirit of stretching this show out longer than the Academy Awards, this is only the FIRST of the immunity challenges. Who gets it you say?
Chris of course; after all it IS about time he beat a woman in a physical challenge and considering he has a 60 year old woman with a knee replacement, a little Eliza with a cut hand and looks like she has an eating disorder and TWILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
DT: Caroline, what do you think of that candidate?"
Caroline: Not bad in that blue collar, roll around the sheets kind of way
JP: You done? (Freaking Burnett Zone crap, MB just HAD to do another show in the event Suvvivor eventually tanks)But who goes fourth!!???
DT: Nice mouth............ (Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.") JP: Eliza, we hardly knew ye (well that isn't true, she was featured prominently from Day One and many thought the rise in her arc was a winner edit but HAH, nanny nanny poo poo. )
Now the three are left and how do we do an endurance challenge that fits Vanuatu?
JP: A bow and arrow endurance of course (lame? could very well be)
Omarosa: Oh, I could do that Jeff!!
JP: Get the hell off my island, Omarosa
MB: "I LOVE ME
(HAUNTING VOICE) "SO WHO GETS BURNNNNNNNED NEXT"
(Well, we could dare to dream can't we?)
DT: I will take over this boardroom now Jeff!"
George: Pssst, Donald, you DO have till Thursday!DT: "In a world of followers my dear George, there is only ONE leader, ME!! So who will it be Jen or Kelly?
Carolyn: I suggest Kelly..........
DT: "You would you raging closet nyphmo
Maria: "Mr. Trump (twitch twitch) if I had my way I would bring me back (twitch twitch) because I O%UTUTEIUTP(OIUTpIEUToIT(RTumoRtutnpr
(Alrighty then)
Pamela: "Mr. Trump, obviously noone is as qualified as myself and, in fact, let me take about three hours to demonstrate to you in a step by step procedure with all the boring details how qualified I really am!
Ivana: Mr. Trump: I'll take my skirt off if you just hire me????
DT: "No! This season the new Apprentice is a big surprise (provided it is a woman because we really need to do that since last year was a man and everyone also seems to have the hots for Jen) JEN YOU'RE HIRED!
Jen: "I (pause) will (pause) work (pause) very (pause) hard (pause) for (pause) you (LONG PAUSE) Mr. Trump
DT: "What do you think of that Bill?
Bill: "Great choice Mr. Trump (because I have turned into a big kiss ass employee!)
RS: Confused? So are we! In a multi network Mark Burnett infested week, with two shows both three hours long this narrative now seems longer than both shows put together; after all, UNSCRIPTED DRAMA takes time (yawn)
Survivor
JP: (Media whore, fake haired, shmuck!!)JP: "Ahem, can we move on, I still have that whole ritual thing to do and it's gonna be rough since Scout can't even walk to her pillow
Scout: "Oh Jeff! A wise man once said, let the zucchini of life prevail in an eggplant kind of world"
JP: Alrighty then.............
JP: "So it is down to the two of you; the woman Chief, the one who wouldn't quit, the one who I practically needed a gurney to get through a challenge and Chris, the man who got through WOMAN POWER
Ami: "Woman are STILL in power Jeff, they will always BE in power Jeff
JP: "Uh, sure thing Ami (NOT!!!)
JP: Scout, Chris, one of you will be the ULTIMATE SURVIVOR....DT: Whatever .... Your candidates HAH!. A guy with long hair (which by the way will NEVER do in the corporate world) who lost his first team challenge and a woman who is still doing the first part of a challenge while everyone is finished and spouts off wise sayings that are worse than fortune cookies???
Chris: "This game is about outplaying NOT outbalancing
JP: "Chris, you are correct and lord knows the jury doesn't want Scout to utter another wise, ahem word..................CHRIS YOU ARE THE SOLE SURVIVOR
MB:"I LOVE ME!
Rod S: And this concludes that fifth dimension that which is known only to Mark Burnett. It is a dimension of unscripted drama (yawn) and profits and ratings. It lies between two networks caught in a Mark Burnett reality tv show black hole that has sucked up our entire week. This is the dimension of Apprentice and Survivor and it lies only in Mark Burnetts bank account. It is Mark Burnetts very own version of ........
