Subject: Am I Gay?
>
> 'Am I Gay?' Male Self Examination Quiz
>
> 1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you
> are
> gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys
> and
> have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics,
> and doing
> the Oprah Diet.
>
> 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like
> a dog,
> but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches
> itself, has
> a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to
> be fed.
> And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here!
> I said get your
> ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a
> cat...'Bun-bun,
> come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed,
> you're so gay.
>
> 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any
> such
> nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only
> sucks
> on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts,
> pickled pigs
> feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and
> undeniably a fag.
>
> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
> parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's
> world
> is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
>
> 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight
> man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If
you've
> put a
> Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
>
> 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or
> four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie,
> you might as
> well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have
> memory space
> in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out
> chartreuse or
> you know what a 'fressier' is, you're gay. And if you can
name
> ANY type of
> textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
>
> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're
> dying
> to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to
> honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of
> the time he needs
> that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold
> his beer.
>
> 8 . If you do not send this off to all the males on your e-mail
> list
> because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are
> definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker.
>
>
>
> 'Am I Gay?' Male Self Examination Quiz
>
> 1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you
> are
> gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys
> and
> have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics,
> and doing
> the Oprah Diet.
>
> 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like
> a dog,
> but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches
> itself, has
> a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to
> be fed.
> And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here!
> I said get your
> ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a
> cat...'Bun-bun,
> come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed,
> you're so gay.
>
> 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any
> such
> nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only
> sucks
> on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts,
> pickled pigs
> feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and
> undeniably a fag.
>
> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
> parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's
> world
> is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
>
> 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight
> man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If
you've
> put a
> Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
>
> 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or
> four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie,
> you might as
> well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have
> memory space
> in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out
> chartreuse or
> you know what a 'fressier' is, you're gay. And if you can
name
> ANY type of
> textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
>
> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're
> dying
> to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to
> honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of
> the time he needs
> that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold
> his beer.
>
> 8 . If you do not send this off to all the males on your e-mail
> list
> because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are
> definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker.
>
>
Guess I'm "straight" on that account.
