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Here's the thing. I've played the nurturing boyfriend to someone just coming out of the closet before. Twice, actually. One time, the guy was totally dependent on me for everything. I had to show him every single gay joint in town that I knew of, help introduce him to being comfortable in gay settings, approve almost every outfit he'd put on, talk him every baby step of coming out of the closet and being an independent, confident gay adult. And that's fine. I was happy to do it. But he became obsessive in getting my opinion on virtually every matter in his life, and I finally had to tell him that I could act as some kind of gay mentor, but I couldn't run his entire life for him. He became kind of withdrawn after that, so I cut him loose. Last I heard, he backtracked quite a bit. He's still out of the closet, but he doesn't have many gay friends and won't make efforts to become active in the gay community. He needs someone to hold his hand every step of the way, and as much as I liked him, I'm not that person.

The second guy I did this with needed a lot of help, too. I introduced him to the local gay scene, helped him become more comfortable in talking about himself and being open, went with him to his parents during the weekend that he told them he was gay (I didn't know this in advance, by the way), and many other things. He became so confident and happy that he didn't need me anymore. He wanted to sleep around and be young and gay and happy, so he dumped me. Very coldly, I might add. So I helped him bolster his confidence for months and got absolutely nothing out of it. So that was a different twist on the same scenario, but equally lame.

I just can't be that person a third time. I can't keep helping baby steppers make their way into the world. Maybe that sounds cold, but it's the way I feel. I'm not overtly gay in the first place. This guy is very attractive, one of the most attractive people I've met in a long time, so I'm flattered that he likes me, but I can't just go for his looks when I know there's going to be a lot of baggage attached.

Anyway, I don't know why I'm typing this. I like that this place is anonymous. It makes me feel like I can get things off my chest. My exes and foes stalk other message boards and blog sites, so I can't really spill my guts anywhere else. So, uh, yeah. Thanks for sharing similar stories. Even though I hate most of you.

Hoooo, boy, did I vomit out my life or what? Sorry, guys.