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Skimming through, I do not see the MANNER of death detailed here.

The food you give to grieving family is entirely dependent upon the manner of death.

You've made up your mind on the lasagna, so I guess it's too late now.

However, future death and dying response etiquette demands some helpful hints.

Recently, a family I know lost an adult son (45) in a motorcycle accident. At first, I was not privy to all the details. Even the local news stories were less-than forthcoming.

At the time, I had coincidentally made a gigantic pot of chili. Now, chili is easily heated, easily stored, very filling even if you are only able to eat a small amount, and it's very healthy, with lots of fiber and lots of protein. With all good intentions, I thought bringing over some chili would be a nice thing to do. I packed up several containers and stopped by to express condolences.

I didn't want to go to the door with chili in hand, as I knew I'd need to immediately hug the mourners, so I left it in my truck for later retrieval.

After a while inside the home, the father of the deceased took me aside and out of earshot of the more sensitive ladies. He told me that accident had left his son in such a state that a closed coffin was required. The deceased was not wearing a helmet, yet the medical examiner said that this would not have made any difference -- the bodily devastation was extreme.

I thought of the chili. Red, lumpy, drippy.

This would provoke unsavory and unappetizing thoughts, I was sure.

So I decided it was best to NOT offer the food, and I realized then that indeed, manner of death is of utmost important when selecting a funereal dish.

If someone died in bed, for example, you might not want to bring over anything fluffy and pillow-like: Jell-O or cream-topped desserts.

Oddly, the Mom told me that while she had been having trouble eating any "real" food, she was subsisting well on CAKE. Nothing wrong with that, yet... I found it odd that people were bringing her CAKE.

Isn't cake rather more of a celebratory thing? Do people make cakes for funerals? I can understand a pie, I can understand a cobbler, I can certainly understand brownies. But CAKE?

No, cakes are far too happy and delightful. A somber dessert is required.

Has anyone made cake for a funeral? Did you write anything on it? Was it cheery colors? Chocolate or yellow? What kind of icing? Describe the thought-process behind the creation of a DEATH CAKE.