I want to sell a short story and be an author. I need some help so please review my story and give me ideas on how to make it better. It has a surprise twist ending.
It was a dark and stormy night. I just got home from school to have lunch at my house and my mom was awaiting for me at the door with a sandwich in her left
hand. I walked up to the door and she said "hello honey, here's your sandwich." I took the sandwich from her left hand and walked into the
house.
I went into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator and took out the soda. I poured the soda in a cup. I then took the cup and the sandwich to the table in the kitchen and put them on top of the table. I ate the sandwich and drank the soda. But then a horrible scream was heard by me in the kitchen coming from the other part of the house which is in the livingroom. I stood up in a panic and I ran with all the speed in my body to the livingroom to see what happened.
I stopped quickly in the doorway and stared at the horrible horror that I saw. My mother was killed with an axe in her head. I ran over to her lifeless body and asked her if she knew who did this. She gasped "it was...." and then died before she could tell me. I stood, wiped the blood off my hands onto my pants and ran outside and down the block screaming like a madman looking for help from anyone who would like to come out of their house and help me, but everyone was asleep.
I ran all the way to the other town where the police station was. I opened the door to the police station and I saw a policeman at the desk. I ran over to him quickly and with great speed and told him what had happened to my mother. He took the time to look up from reading his papers and his eyes looked evil, like a wolf with rabies who was hungry and wanted to feed on human flesh. He said "okay I'll check on your story" and we left in his patrol car to my house.
We walked inside and I took him on a tour of my house to make sure that the killer or killers weren't hiding anywhere. After the coast was clear I took him into the livingroom where the dead body of my mother was still lying there with blood all over and the axe in her head. The police officer walked up to her body and pulled out the axe which confused me because he wasn't supposed to touch the crime scene. I turned around and said "I guess I should've told you that I was dating your mother but she didn't want you to know about me because you're still grieving for your dad who died in a freak accident while diving for sponges."
I recoiled in the horror that was unfolding in front of me and wanted to run but I needed to hear the rest of his story. He continued on with his story. "Your mother was a nice lady but she was really a cheap whore like my mother and that's why I had to kill her with the axe!" He then started to come after me, and that's when I told him my story.
"You see officer, I knew my mother was a whore but she was my mom and I loved her. And my dad didn't die in an accident. I KILLED HIM BY CUTTING
HIS AIR HOSE AND HE DROWNED! He was absuing my mom, and now that I know who killed her I'm going to kill YOU!" I then pulled out the gun in my back
pocket and shot him in face.
