George Carlin is DEAD DEAD DEAD!

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Lobsters		#81	[-]
Posts: 7031 (06/23/08 8:57 AM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	RIP.
Nat57		#82	[-]
Posts: 3625 (06/23/08 9:02 AM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	George never liked the term "passed away" (what does that mean), George would like this title of "dead dead dead". For You George !!!
hossc		#83	[-]
Posts: 16281 (06/23/08 9:24 AM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	<----- Famous Atheist doesn't care anymore..
TobaccoRhoda		#84	[-]
Posts: 26353 (06/23/08 9:40 AM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Yeah, perhaps "The One Word your not allowed to say about George Carlin" Lerved him. We saw him at Red Rocks in Denver in the early 80s. He'd do a three hour show just riffing because I don't think he could remember how long he'd been talking. One of the few times, 'my sides hurt from laughing' was really true. He had more material than anyone I ever saw, and every bit of it was hilarious. Then, he had a heart attack, stopped boozing and drugging and got more angry than funny, but having said that, he is still a legend.
PassionatePiscesMan		#85	[-]
Posts: 5113 (06/23/08 9:42 AM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	A memorial with engraved Seven Words would be appropiate.
frisbeehead		#86	[-]
Posts: 13142 (06/23/08 9:49 AM) Make it a funny one! Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time! But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit! But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up. Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man. No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results. So rather than be just another mindless religious robot, mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompetent father figure who doesn't give a shit, I decided to look around for something else to worship. Something I could really count on. And immediately, I thought of the sun. Happened like that. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. Several reasons. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I'm big on that. If I can see something, I don't know, it kind of helps the credibility along, you know? So everyday I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need; heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake, an occasional skin cancer, but hey. At least there are no crucifixions, and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us. Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I'm unworthy. Doesn't tell me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn't said an unkind word. Treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But, I don't pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn't presume on our friendship. It's not polite. I've often thought people treat God rather rudely, don't you? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day. Asking and pleading and begging for favors. Do this, gimme that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday His day off. It's not nice. And it's no way to treat a friend. But people do pray, and they pray for a lot of different things, you know, your sister needs an operation on her crotch, your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall. But most of all, you'd really like to fuck that hot little redhead down at the convenience store. You know, the one with the eyepatch and the clubfoot? Can you pray for that? I think you'd have to. And I say, fine. Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan? Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn't in God's Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a Divine Plan. What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and fuck up Your Plan? And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It's all very confusing. So to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the sun. But, as I said, I don't pray to the sun. You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with. For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that cocksucker out with one visit. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat. So I've been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself. And for those of you who look to The Bible for moral lessons and literary qualities, I might suggest a couple of other stories for you. You might want to look at the Three Little Pigs, that's a good one. Has a nice happy ending, I'm sure you'll like that. Then there's Little Red Riding Hood, although it does have that X-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn't care for, by the way. And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? "All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again." That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was. In fact, I'm gonna put it this way. If there is a God, may he strike this audience dead! See? Nothing happened. Nothing happened? Everybody's okay? All right, tell you what, I'll raise the stakes a little bit. If there is a God, may he strike me dead. See? Nothing happened, oh, wait, I've got a little cramp in my leg. And my balls hurt. Plus, I'm blind. I'm blind, oh, now I'm okay again, must have been Joe Pesci, huh? God Bless Joe Pesci. Thank you all very much. Joe Bless You!
Citizen Postal		#87	[-]
Posts: 234 (06/23/08 9:50 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Always one of my favorites. He was funny because he spoke the truth. And he went after everyone too, not just the "establishment." Probably one of the most satisfying bits he did, for me anyway, was when he went after environmentalists. I'm getting tired of that shit. Tired of that shit. I'm tired of fucking Earth Day, I'm tired of these self-righteous environmentalists, these white, bourgeois liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is there aren't enough bicycle paths. People trying to make the world save for their Volvos. Besides, environmentalists don't give a shit about the planet. They don't care about the planet. Not in the abstract they don't. Not in the abstract they don't. You know what they're interested in? A clean place to live. Their own habitat. They're worried that some day in the future, they might be personally inconvenienced. Narrow, unenlightened self-interest doesn't impress me. Besides, there is nothing wrong with the planet. Nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine. The PEOPLE are fucked. Difference. Difference. The planet is fine. Compared to the people, the planet is doing great. Been here four and a half billion years. Did you ever think about the arithmetic? The planet has been here four and a half billion years. We've been here, what, a hundred thousand? Maybe two hundred thousand? And we've only been engaged in heavy industry for a little over two hundred years. Two hundred years versus four and a half billion. And we have the CONCEIT to think that somehow we're a threat? That somehow we're gonna put in jeopardy this beautiful little blue-green ball that's just a-floatin' around the sun? The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through all kinds of things worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles...hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worlwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages...And we think some plastic bags, and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference? The planet...the planet...the planet isn't going anywhere. WE ARE! ENTIRE DIATRIBE
bluesboi		#88	[-]
Posts: 1404 (06/23/08 9:52 AM) Gay Canookian Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Dude, like rest in peace, ok.
nomellons		#89	[-]
Posts: 2440 (06/23/08 9:59 AM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	I saw him last fall -- he was funny half the time, the other half he came off as a raging lunatic angry man. That being said, when he was funny, I absolutely loved the guy.
thumbalenae		#90	[-]
Posts: 2279 (06/23/08 10:10 AM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite
ObservingEgo		#91	[-]
Posts: 6180 (06/23/08 10:17 AM) Hi, you two!!! : ) : ) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Stuff... Soon, when I go on my summer vacation I shall pack some of my stuff into suitcases. Then...when I reach my destination I shall put some of my packed stuff into tote bags for a side excursion. Whilst on the side excursion some of the stuff from the tote bag will be crammed into a backpack... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ RIP, you lovably neurotic freak. <3 oe
SurvivorLDog93		#92	[-]
Posts: 20416 (06/23/08 10:25 AM) Admin/Play-By-Play Guru OMEDETO, CATHY!! Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	PassionatePiscesMan wrote: Damn he was grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat. His Seven Words will always stand as a momento. He understood the common misuses of the lamaguage "... till the aircraft comes to a complete stop" as opposed to an incomplete stop? or preboarding Yes! Yes! Yes! I was on an airplane 2 weeks ago, and remembered that routine! The captain said "We are making our Final Descent into Houston and we should be at the Terminal at 10:00." I turned to my companion and said (softly), "Why do they have to use words like 'final' descent and 'terminal'??"
Gregoire		#93	[-]
Posts: 27887 (06/23/08 10:34 AM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	A master of the one-liner: When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say? When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? What if there were no hypothetical questions? Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? Electricity is really just organized lightning. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker? There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything. The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Shorty		#94	[-]
Posts: 2102 (06/23/08 12:43 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	I always loved "Stuff".... He was such of fixture of my growing up years. Anytime he was on Johnny Carson, I always had to stay up to see him, cause it was such a huge treat.
louie77		#95	[-]
Posts: 15175 (06/23/08 12:55 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	This was my favorite "What's that? Not me, i'm the cat. Blame the dog" R.I.P
DYATH		#96	[-]
Posts: 203 (06/23/08 1:17 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	He treated my Father abysmally. I'm glad he croaked.
rolandofthewhite		#97	[-]
Posts: 1116 (06/23/08 1:59 PM) Registered User Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	By your Father, do you mean Jesus Christ?
Citizen Postal		#98	[-]
Posts: 251 (06/23/08 2:16 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Yes! Yes! Yes! I was on an airplane 2 weeks ago, and remembered that routine! Every time I fly and have to listen to that dumb-as-all-shit language they speak in and around planes I think of that routine. "Collecting service items" is my biggest irritant. Most of the time I'll ask one of the stewardesses (or whatever they call 'em now) "just what exactly is a service item?" After some stammering I'll step in to help 'em out. "Do you mean garbage"? Usually they say yes. Usually I ask "why not call it garbage then"? Haven't got an explanation yet.
CadyH.realitysucks		#99	[-]
Posts: 52 (06/23/08 2:23 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	TobaccoRhoda wrote: Yeah, perhaps "The One Word your not allowed to say about George Carlin" Lerved him. We saw him at Red Rocks in Denver in the early 80s. He'd do a three hour show just riffing because I don't think he could remember how long he'd been talking. One of the few times, 'my sides hurt from laughing' was really true. He had more material than anyone I ever saw, and every bit of it was hilarious. Then, he had a heart attack, stopped boozing and drugging and got more angry than funny, but having said that, he is still a legend. I was at the same show! He rocked the Rocks, didn't he? I was visiting friends, we did the same, laughed until we hurt. I didn't realize he was that old, though. He's my mom's age.
Us Kids Know		#100	[-]
Posts: 6574 (06/23/08 3:19 PM) Registered user Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Connection Block Invite	Fuck. This one totally floored me.

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George Carlin is DEAD DEAD DEAD!

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