dagny1331 wrote:
That would be awesome.
The Bachelor--Homeless, Again.
Chris Harrison: This season is special. [Cue Harrison signature hands forward emphasis move] Let's meet our bachelor. Here he is, welcome, Winthrop. Winthrop: Hi Chris.
Chris: Tell us why you wanted to do the show. We know you've been going through some hard times....
Winthrop: Yes Chris, times have been tough. But love supersedes reality. I am here because I completely believe that my sugar mama is here tonight.
Chris: Someone who's here for the right reasons?
Winthrop: Absolutely! I want that pretty house in the burbs, white picket fence, two kids and a good dog.
Chris: That's great, Winthrop. There are some fantastic women here for you to meet.
Winthrop: Just point me at the bitch with the cute house, white picket fence and little dependents and I'll be all over it!
Chris: That's an interesting strategy. So you are hoping for a love story, a fairy tale?
Winthrop: Got any blow, Chris?
My season would be like this:
The Bachelorette--Drunk Again.
Chris Harrison: This season is special. [Cue Harrison signature hands forward emphasis move] Let's meet our bachelorette. Here she is, welcome, Kenscookie. Kenscookie: Hi Chris. Grab me a shot while you're there? Good man. Cheers. Now bring on the first limo, let me take a look at these losers.
Chris: Tell us why you wanted to do the show. We know you've been going through some hard times....
Kenscookie: Yes Chris, times have been tough. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I am here because I completely believe that I can find true love or at least get some free booze, free food and live in a kickass house (for free) while I'm looking.
Chris: Are you looking for someone you feel a special connection with...someone you can see spending the rest of your life with...someone who's here for the right reasons?
Kenscookie: Yeah of course, aren't we all? Hey listen, who do I have to blow around here to make sure the booze keeps coming?
Chris: That's great, Kenscookie. There are some fantastic men here for you to meet.
Kenscookie: Listen, I can already narrow this shit down to my final 4. Ed is fug, Foot Guy is gross, Breakdance dude is kind of cute but too young and inexperienced, plus he breakdances so ew, Dave is a putz and Juan is a closet case. Slim pickins, I gotta tell ya. I'd like to give my rose to Cap-tyn...Kip-tune...whatever the fuck his name is, that Reid guy who looks like crap in his pic but is pretty cute in person, um, the pilot guy...um and you're kind of cute, Chris, so I'm taking you to the fantasy suite too. Chris, will you accept my rose?
Chris: Yes, all fantastic men indeed. This is going to be the hardest decision of your life. So you are hoping for a love story, a fairy tale?
Kenscookie: You're not even listening to me, are you? Story of my life. Now where the hell did that bartender go?
