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ok, fess up, who has had to endure one?

Sorry, not yet. I considered it as a last resort once. Constipation is pretty damn funny until it happens to YOU. After three or four days it kind of loses its humorous appeal. You open the kitchen utensil drawer and stare intently at the barbecue tongs, wondering... Luckily, everything turned out just fine.

any pointers to make this as least emotially scarring as possible?

Eliminate your sense of pride BEFORE you shove that nozzle into your anus. Creating this thread was a very good start. In time, you will be able to repress your memories of the tragic event. Do not invite friends and loved ones to participate; this should be done in private, I'd say, but taking photos might be fun -- for the scrapbook, you know (lots of tan and brown color schemes, maybe some glitter and some stickers of ears of corn, which should be pretty easy to find this time of year).

Alternately, you could learn to LOVE YOUR SPHINCTER and take the opposite approach, feeling a great sense of pride in your... um... "accomplishment." It's just poopy, after all. And remember: everyone poops. Try examining your pinkish pucker BEFORE you begin. Have a little "get acquainted" party. Bring a covered dish... and a LOT of towels.

how long does it take?

Depends. What did you have for dinner?