If a dog sex enthusiast moved into your neighborhood, you would want to know. Unfortunately, there are no bestiality registries. Here are 20 warning signs Diane Sue Whalen may be your new neighbor:
20. The new neighbor has a habit of licking open wounds.
19. The yard is full of dog toys that vibrate.
18. Neighborhood cat lady suddenly seems normal.
17. Neighbor refers to her dogs as "front" and "back."
16. Neighbor collects velvet paintings of dogs playing strip poker.
15. When the neighbor's dog is ordered it "sit," he crawls on your lap.
14. Neighbor's porch is full of wind chimes made from Alpo cans.
13. Neighbor claims to have a home remedy for yeast infections called, "Dogistat Seven."
12. Neighbor carries a pocket full of mint-flavored dog bones.
11. Neighbor's dog has an irrational fear of video cameras.
10. When the neighbor's dog leaves the room, he walks out backwards and keeps his eye on you.
9. Neighbor compliments your dog's "pretty mouth."
8. Neighborhood Chinese restaurant closes due to meat shortage.
7. Local puppy mills are out of business.
6. Neighbor smells like a mix of KY and wet dog.
5. Neighbor is overly enthusiastic when the movies "All Dogs Go to Heaven" and "Lady and The Tramp" are mentioned.
4. Neighbor's face lightens up when someone yells, "fetch!"
3. Neighbor's dog retrieves tennis balls by sitting on them.
2. Strange dogs leave your new neighbor's house every morning.
1. New neighbor openly discusses which dog is the better kisser.
