I've almost set fire to my apartment kitchen numerous times. I think the last time I was making hard-boiled eggs, went back to my bedroom while they were cooking, and only remember when the fire alarms went off and smoke started pouring through my door. I've done the same thing with chicken.

And every single fucking time, my roommate comes out and stares at me like I'm retarded, while I run around trying to put out the fire.

Oh, and my cookies are like cement. Never again.