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Hey! Hey! I'll have you know that I finished TAR Mafia, the Q Iron thread wasn't something that could be finished, and I finished like, three sets of rankings in the thread before I got stuck on Fawlty Towers. The other ones were like, ages ago and don't count.

Oh, and I just decided to rank F1 drivers for 2009 too. Because I'm uber-bored, and it starts tomorrow, and I'm sleep-deprived because I was up watching practice at some unholy hour last night because I'm such a fanboy. Be thankful that I'm not ranking GaGa songs, too.


20: Nelson Piquet Jr. (Renault)

I was tempted to raise him up a spot or two after I saw that picture, because in comparison with some of the F1 drivers (*COUGH*BOURDAIS/BUEMI/KUBICA*COUGH*) he's actually kinda hot. Unfortunately, I can't allow myself to do that, because Piquet is easily the most useless driver in F1 since the heyday of Yuji Ide. And that's saying something. Whereas Heikki Kovalainen managed to rescue his early-season crapfest in 2007, Piquet sucked completely throughout 2008. See, I actually wanted him to do kind of well, because I thought it would be funny to see Alonso getting owned by another rookie. And I must admit, Piquet getting Renault's first podium in 2008 instead of Alonso was HIRARIOUS. But then he managed to suck for the rest of the year, and had he crashed 30 second later in Singapore, Kubica/Nico would have won and not Alonso. Exactly why they kept him, I don't know. So Piquet is 20th and dead last (no surprises...)

17: Sebastien Buemi (Toro Rosso)

I'd really, really like to know Red Bull's reasoning for bringing Buemi up in to the Toro Rosso seat instead of Takuma Sato. Buemi did absolutely nothing last year in GP2 apart from a couple of wins here and there. If you're going to hire anyone from GP2, then I'd have thought it would have been Pantano or Senna - and let's face it, an experienced head might be needed at Toro Rosso/Red Bull other than Mark Webber. Which is why they should have hired Taku, and not this boring MOR idiot. Who, judging by today's qualifying performance, will only serve to annoy Sebastien Bourdais, which will be funny to a degree, I guess.



19: Sebastien Bourdais (Toro Rosso)

Yeah, so Bourdais is kind of shit. I get that he was a big thing in CART, but last year he was absolutely...awful. Especially in comparison with Vettel. I remember nothing about the first half of the season that had anything to do with Bourdais. Then he finally get his break in Monza, and manages to stall the car on the grid. Oh, and just before that in Belgium, he managed to get up to 3rd as everybody else struggled in the wet, then managed to fuck up the entire last lap more than anybody else on the circuit, came 7th and cried. Which was just hilarious. Another person who should have gone for Taku-god.

I'm not going to let Thinga be right. As it stands, I'm bumping Buemi up to 17th (because while he still screwed Taku, he's actually competent), so Bourdais is down to 19th and that means the NEW number 18 is:


18: Lewis Hamilton (McLaren)

"Hmmm...how can I cheat today?"

Even before Liegate started, Lewis was pretty low down on this list. I just personally find him rather annoying; that might be because for the past two years, F1 in the UK has been nothing but "LEWIS-LEWIS-LEWIS" with a splash of "BOO EVIL MASSA/ALONSO". As a result, young Lewis has developed quite an ego on himself. In 2007, he was made out to be the young rookie who was the bane of Fernando Alonso's existence, and the next best thing since a certain M. Schumacher. It says something when on the ITV (UK F1 broadcaster until this year) website, the fans voted Takuma Sato as having the best drive on his first win. Hamilton isn't without his little flaws though: at Nurburgring in '07 he made every wrong call possible apart from keeping his engine running, and then managed to blow the World Championship in the final two races. In '08 he ran in to the back of Kimi during Canada, failed at Monza, fucked up AGAIN in Brazil and got lucky thanks to stupid Toyota at the last corner. But if there's one big divide between Lewis and Michael, it's the fact that Michael's lies were at least believable, and there was never any concrete evidence to say otherwise (that Monaco qualifying error aside, but that was minor anyway). Lewis, on the other hand, manages to lie to the stewards having CLEARLY SAID ON TAPE THE EXACT OPPOSITE. Ugh, fool.