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hossc |
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eraaa
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The Annoying Hater |
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ginaf20697 wrote: fixed |
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excbexcb |
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link to news video.
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1119284117/bctid1558412230
Last Edited By: excbexcb
05/17/08 11:19 AM.
Edited 2 times.
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B DeBrun |
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Who wins this drinking contest between Ted Kennedy and Boris Yeltsin?
Ted Kennedyvs.Boris YelstinBest reader response: the warm, wet sensation of the village cur licking his bloated forehead coaxed ted back into consciousness. ted rose from his own pool of vomit and wiped the congealing, half-digested remnants of a wendy's spicy chicken sandwich from his bloodless cheek. as his slippery hands grasped the rough wood of the table edge he thought, "maybe I can pretend i only slipped when i bent over to puke -- i'm sure i was only out for a minute." Ted lifted his bulk above the edge of the table and was greeted with the amber rays of a new dawn, rising and reflecting off of the virgin-white snows of a high alpine glacier; streaming through the window to be broken among the countless overturned shot-glasses and half-empty bottles into a million dazzling sparks. the humiliation of his defeat reached him at the same time as two white-hot daggers of pain seared their way up his optic nerves. his cry of anguish and misery was muffled by a thick, sticky goo gluing his tongue to the roof of his mouth. bile surged from his uneasy stomach and ted bent to relieve the purge. as he bent he spotted through a reddening haze a white slip of paper neatly placed under an empty bottle. the distraction relieved the moment, and ted straightened and grabbed the paper in a clumsy bear-paw grasp. as his vision cleared he made out the perfect, spidery script of boris yeltsin. it read: "you have learned much, young kennedy -- but you are not a jedi yet. da svadania, tovarish." "that damn russian stuck me with the check," mumbled the senator, as he slumped toward the floor and back into the welcoming arms of unconsciousness. |
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The Balloon Artist |
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Hotel Chappaquiddick On a dark resort roadway cool wind in his hair Warm smell of Chivas Regal filling up in the air Up ahead in the distance, he saw a shimmering light His head grew heavy and his sight grew dim Bridge was left but he went right There he stood in the doorway; He was dripping wet There'd been a accident, didn't mention Mary Jo Yet After he talked with a lawyer, he showed us the way It was 10 hours later in the middle of Day Welcome to the Hotel Chappaquiddick Such a lovely place, she had a lovely face Plenty of room at the Hotel Chappaquiddick Any time of year (any time of year) you can find him here His story was definitely twisted, didn't know the roads or bends he made a lot of calls to family and to lawyer friends How he sweat in the sunlight, how he's to beat this rap Some things he remembers, others he forgets. So I called up Uncle Teddy; lets go for a drive he hasn't seen the backseat of a car since nineteen sixty-nine He can hear her voice calling from beneath the waves Wakes him up in the middle of the night, just to hear her say Welcome to the Hotel Chappaquiddick Such a lovely place, she had a lovely face Plenty of room at the Hotel Chappaquiddick When you tell lies (when you tell lies) We have alibis Autos in the water, the girl is now on ice And he said, it was just a horrible accident let's cease and desist Among the Kennedy Family, there's no greater beast The press asked some questions, he doesn't care in the least Last thing he remembered was swimming to the shore He had to find the shortcut back to the place he was before Relax said the family. We are programmed to deceive You can check it out anytime you like but the truth will never leave. |
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Mister Peepers |
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Please die, Ted. TIA
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The Balloon Artist |
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In 1960, John Kennedy was elected President of the United States and vacated his Massachusetts Senate seat. Since Ted would not be eligible to fill his
brother's vacant Senate seat until February 22, 1962, when he would turn thirty, his father therefore persuaded the Massachusetts governor to name a
Kennedy family friend Benjamin A. Smith II to fill out John's term, keeping the seat available for Ted.[8] In 1962, Kennedy was elected to the Senate from
Massachusetts in a special election. He was elected to a full six-year term in 1964 and was reelected in 1970, 1976, 1982, 1988, 1994, 2000 and 2006.
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merkyl |
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Who's that other senator from Mass? I forget.
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The Balloon Artist |
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merkyl wrote: I think he served in Vietnam.
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merkyl |
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That's right. Served in Vietnam and single handedly won the war.
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Mister Peepers |
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Would have won the war had it not been for the hang-nail Purple Heart.
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merkyl |
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Well technically, his side won the war.
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Mister Peepers |
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True. And his side is about to achieve victory over the United States.
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squashthebeef |
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Rushed is kind of implied. You'll notice nobody is ever mossied to the hospital.
Oh, and rot in hell Ted. |
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merkyl |
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I wonder if he rushed over to Teddy's office, to measure for curtains.
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The Balloon Artist |
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Maybe if he's the Senior Senator from Massachusetts he'll finally get the respect he's due.
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merkyl |
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And finally push through that first piece of legislation.
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The Balloon Artist |
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You mean besides "National Dog Catcher Week"? That was the big one.
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excbexcb |
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Marque Mywords |
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superguppie wrote: Pray for more? |
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