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Jonathan's Eulogy, written by me...



Jonathan, I know you will be reading this. From the moment you reached the shores of Cook Islands, it was obvious to me that you would be the only sign of entertainment out there. Your witt, sarcasm and all around likability have won me over.

You have manged to piss of Probst better than anyone else ever has, even moreso than Julie when she dumped him.

You are 46 years old with a bummed knee and yet still manged to kick some serious butt while most of us here at Sucks will probably be 200lbs overweight when we reach that age and reeking of diabetes. And that's for those of us who will actually make it to 46.

Your presence on Micronesia will be sorely missed. The whole concept of fans vs. favorites is frivolous now that you are gone.

It's very clear that you are passionate about this as much as we are, despite the fact that we tear the show apart on a daily basis. We know you would've done anything short of chopping your own leg off in order to stay.

Let the haters hate you. They're obviously all a bunch of 20 something year olds, overwight and living in their parents' basement who just hate you because they wish they could become half the man you are. They're probably having field day now, but as the show porgresses without you, they will find thier posts progressively more empty and hallow. Forgive them for they know not what they do.

You are the only one here who feeds your fans with your clever posts, like seagulls at a McDonald's drive-thru. You're also probably the only one who had the balls to post in your own hate thread.

You are a warrior, a player a father figure and an entertainer. Jonathan, you are then man and if we ever cross paths, beer is on me.

The end.








Removing my lips from your ass in 3.....2.....1.........now!

Godspeed, buddy!