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Ryan: 10,000 hopefuls turned out to greet us.
Woman: Omaha is really not that exciting!
Ryan: Was the next Idol waiting here, in the Cornhusker state? Who's the superstar of tomorrow? Simon/Randy ready, but Paula's plane is delayed.
(Simon and Randy make small talk like ... lovers?? lol)

Warming up, Chris Bernheisel sings Cold Hearted Snake.
He can't sing very well, from what we can see, and he sounds like a geek when he speaks.
Chris: Simon, I'm the next American Idol! So don't ruin it!
He walks in with a BAG.
Chris: I came bringing you guys gifts.
(A doggie for Randy, and some pictures of him and Kelly Clarkson in a frame for Simon. Leaves a doggie for Paula, which Simon flings. )
He starts to cry, saying how he didn't have any *snif* money to travel to another *snif* city to audition.
OMG, he's from Fremont?
A fembot haybaler!
Since U Been Gone.
It's predictably awful.
And he makes it worse by dancing. And a heels-up-in-the-air flip.
Randy: Is this real, Chris?
Simon: It is, I'm afraid.
Chris starts to cry as Randy starts to laugh.
Simon: Love the presents and the sucking up. The singing, off.
Chris: Can I audition for one more thing? They have guys doing Red Carpet.
(He sucks at that, too! )
Simon: Uh .. Chris .. Uh .. Chris ... What is the local FOX affiliate. Tell them (Fox 42) that we want to see you at the Finals. If they question you, tell them to call me.
Chris: ARE YOU SERIOUS! OMIGOD!! THANK YOU! I WILL !!
Randy: Tell Seacrest, youre the next Seacrest.

Outside conf: I GAVE THEM GIFTS! OMIGOD! THEY LOVED THEM!

Paula is finally there.


Rachel Wicker, 23, Richmond MO. Obviously a handful for whomever tries to pick her up, is arm-wrestling the men outside and winning.
Looks like she can box, too.
She kicks Seacrest's ass, as if he has muscles or summat.
In the audition room ...
She wants to arm-wrestle Simon. He declines.
Don't Tell Me To Stop Lovin' You
Oh, joy. Another blonde farmbot. This time with muscles.
Simon: You're performing as if you've been doing this for 50 years, as if it hasn't worked out.
Randy: Huh? She's 23.
Simon: Doesn't appear it.
Randy: Everyone who sings country does this half-yodel.
Rachel: Natural to my voice.
Paula: Yes or no?
Randy: Uh .. um .. Yes.
Simon: No.
Paula: Yes.
HOLLYWOOD.